


Her Safe Haven

by Flaming_Hearts14



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Fluff, Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, I promise, Multi, Nightmares/Post-Nightmares Comfort, Other, Panic Attacks, Rape/Non-Con (EXTREMELY MILD AND HARDLY MENTIONED), SO MUCH FLUFF, Self Harm (mild), Sister!fic, Winchester Little Sister, abusive parent (mild), can you tell I care about triggers?, emotional angst, panic disorder, past abuse (mild), seriously, the amount of fluff is crazy, you'll love it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 16:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5547872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flaming_Hearts14/pseuds/Flaming_Hearts14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel Winchester is a teenaged hunter who meets her brother by chance. When she joins them, the boys become her Save Haven. With re-occurring memories of heartaches and panic disorder, she knows she needs them, and they never hesitate to oblige. </p>
<p>(No particular seasons or show setting, I'm just kind of rolling with it. You'll like it, I swear. I'm just really bad at descriptions XD)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chance Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Supernatural or any of it's characters, only Rachel Winchester

I don’t even realize I’m running until I hear the demons chasing after me. I don’t stop, I don’t slow down.  I just run. I turn a corner, and see two guys getting out of a black Chevy Impala. I run up to them.

“You need to get away from here!” I say. They look at me confused.

“Why?” The taller one asks.

“You wouldn’t believe me.” I reply. The demons find me. I take my demon killing knife out of my boot.  

“Come and get me, assholes.” I say. They come closer, and I stab one right in the chest. I kill the other two, and look at the guys, who look astonished.

“Okay, I’m not a murderer. I swear. You won’t believe me, but those dicks were…”

“Demons.” they say in unison.   
“How could you possibly know that?” I ask. They look at each other, then back at me.

“Get in the car.” The taller one says.

“No freakin’ way!” I exclaim. The same tall one smiles.

“We won’t hurt you. I’m Sam, and this is my brother Dean. We’re hunters too.” Sam says. I still dont believe it.

“Prove it.” I say. They look at each other, and then pull down the tops of their shirts a little so I can see their collar bones. I see the anti-possession tattoo I have. I nod.

I lean down, and pull up my pant leg to show them the tattoo I have on my right ankle. 

They smile when they see it.

“How old are you?” Dean asks. 

“14.” I say. 

“Cool. Where’d you get that knife?” Sam asks. I smile, and look at the blood covered knife.

“I stole it off a demon after an exorcism.” I reply. They smile. 

“So, can you come with us?” Sam asks. 

“Let me grab my duffel. Will you come?” I say.

****

We walk back towards Dean’s car, and I throw my duffel in the backseat. I get in, and shut the door. Sam and Dean get in, and Dean turns and looks at me.

“Do you wanna call your parents and tell them you’re with us?” he asks.

Parents. The normal thing in a person’s life. Well, not mine. My mom died when I was young, and my dad is in some jail in Indiana. Right now, we’re in Lebanon, Kansas. My dad is in jail because of his abuse towards me. Yep. That’s right. I was abused. 

“Umm...I don’t have parents.” I say. Sam turns and looks at me.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“Well, my mom died when I was little.” 

“And your dad?” Dean asks.

“Uh…” I start. I sigh. “jail.” I finish. 

“Why?” Sam asks. I look up at him.

“He abused me. I ran away from my foster home. I lied and said I have family in a town over, and they believed me. I left, hopped on a bus, and came here. I’ve been in and out of alleys.” I say. They look at me, shocked.

“Well, you could always stay with us. What’s your name again?” Sam asks.

“Winchester. My name is Rachel Winchester.”

“What?” they say together.

“Rachel Winchester.” I repeat. 

“That’s not possible.” Dean says.

“Why not?” I ask.

“Because we’re Sam and Dean Winchester!” Sam says.

“Wait, how is that possible?” I say. They shrug.

“Okay, you are DEFINITELY coming with us.” Dean says. I nod.

****

We walk inside of what Sam and Dean call the bunker. I put my duffel bag down on a table, and look around. I smile. Much better than the usual box i sleep in.

“Welcome home.” Sam says. I nod.

“It’s nice.” I say. 

“Yup.” Dean says. He picks up a remote and presses a button. Suddenly, You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC fills the room. I smile. I take the remote from him, and turn up the volume. I start rocking out, air guitaring, and head banging. Sam laughs while Dean does the drums. I laugh as we air-rock together.

The song ends, and Dean and I laugh. 

“Okay, you are definitely our sister.” Dean says. I smile.

Dean, Sam, and I all walk up the stairs to go to sleep. I sit on the bed, and feel a little bit jumpy. Shit. I have panic disorder, and I have panic attacks almost everyday. Uh oh.

 

SAM’S POV

I knock on Rachel’s door, and there is no response. I open the door to peek in and see if she’s sleeping, and see her sitting up with her head in her hands. Her knees are tucked close, and she is crying. What the hell?

I walk into the room, and go closer to her. I kneel down in front of her.

“Rach?” I ask. She shoots her head up, and looks at me with a look I never want to see on her face again.

Terror. Pure terror on her face.

“Rach, what’s wrong?” I ask. She lunges at me, and hugs me. She cries into my shoulder, and I hug her back. 

“S-S-Sam?” she stutters. 

“Yeah, it’s me.” I say. She hugs me tighter, and cries harder. “Hey, what happened?” 

“I h-have p-p-panic disorder S-Sam.” she stutters. Uh oh. I hold her closer. I’ll try to help her through this.

“Shh, it’s okay Rach, just breathe.” I say. “In and out. In slowly, out slowly. It’ll be okay, Rachel. Just relax.” 

She starts shaking from the crying, so I put my hand on her back. I rub my hand up and down her back, and she suddenly freezes, except for a bit of trembling.

“Shh, relax. I’m here. Just me. It’s okay.” I say. She seems to start breathing normally again. She stays in my arms for a while, and then soon falls asleep. I put her on the bed, and cover her. I walk out of the room, and go to me and Dean’s room.

“Hey, Dean?” I say.

“What?” he asks.

“I was just with Rachel, and she told me she has panic disorder. She had a panic attack.” I say. Dean looks surprised. 

“Wow.” he says. I nod, and go to sleep.


	2. The Key Is To Breathe

SAM'S POV

The next morning I wake up and see Dean getting dressed. I stand up, and get dressed. I walk out of our room and walk down the hall. I knock on Rachel’s door, and don’t get a response. I open the door and look in, and see Rachel sleeping with her back towards the door. 

 

I shut the door, and walk back into me and Dean’s room. He looks at me.

“Where’s Rachel?” he asks.

“I’m gonna let her sleep in.” I reply. He nods.

“Poor kid. I can’t believe she’s got panic disorder.” he says. I nod.

“I know. I feel so bad for her.” I say. He agrees.

“Well, hey, we can help her through them.” Dean says. I nod.

****

We have been in the Impala for about 4 hours. It’s about 2 in the morning, and Rachel fell asleep about 45 minutes ago in the back seat. I hear her steady breathing.

Suddenly, it quickens. It gets faster, and I don’t know if Dean notices. She turns on her side in the backseat so her back is towards me. I turn and look at her hands which have flown to her face as she curls into a ball.

I hit Dean on the arm. He looks at me, and i point my thumb towards Rachel. He looks in the rearview mirror, and then back at me. He nods. He looks back at the road. I turn around in my seat, and look at Rachel.

“Rach?” I say. Her breathing gets even faster. I look at Dean.

“Pull over.” I mouth. He nods. He pulls over, and i get out. I open the back door, and sit Rachel up. I get in, and put her head in my lap. 

Dean starts driving again, and I notice that she’s crying.

“Shh, it’s okay.” I say. Again, her hands go to her face. I pull them off, and put my hand on her forehead.  “Don’t crowd yourself.” I say. She nods slightly, and grabs my hand. I use the hand on her forehead, and run my fingers through her hair. 

“Shh, it’s okay.” I say. She cries more, squeezing my hand tightly. 

She starts hyperventilating, and shaking. I continue to comb my fingers through her hair. 

“Okay, Rachel, I need you to breathe, the key is to breathe, Rach.” I say. She still hyperventilates. “I need you to breathe, Rachel. You have to breathe.”  
“Oh, God, Sammy!” she says, terrified. I lean down, and kiss her forehead.

“Shh, it’s okay, Rach, it’s okay.” I say. “Just talk to me, okay? Focus on me, just me. Listen to my voice, alright?” I say. She starts to calm down.

****

About 10 or 15 minutes later, Rachel is asleep in my lap. We make it to Philadelphia and rent a motel room. I carry Rachel inside, and put her down on one of the beds. She stirs a little, but doesn’t wake up.

****

The next day, Dean and I find a case early in the morning.

 

RACHEL’S POV

I wake up the next morning, and Sam and Dean are already dressed. I get some clothes from my duffel and change in the bathroom. Then I walk back out, and Sam and Dean look at me.

“Okay, we need to talk.” Dean says. I nod, and sit on the bed.

“What’s up?” I ask. Dean looks at Sam, Sam looks at Dean, and then they both look back at me.

“A long time ago, we helped this guy who worked at a school with a demon problem. And now the demons are back at the school. So, we’re gonna go there. But we need your help. It’s a middle school, and we need you to pretend you’re a new student. We’ve got it all worked out with him, and he’s gonna get you in there.” Sam explains.  I sigh, but nod, because I want to help my brothers. 

****

Three days later, I’m in homeroom as a new student. Sam is the substitute History teacher, and Dean is the gym teacher. I just so happen to have class with both of them. >:D

 

The bell rings, and I ask the teacher where 223 is. She points me in the right direction, and I start to walk towards period 1 Science. 

****

After 5 periods of being introduced as “The New Student Gina” (have to use a fake name, so I chose that one), I head off to lunch. I grab my plastic bag out of my new locker, and smell sulfur. I look around, but the hallway is full, so it’s hard to determine who’s a demon.

I start to walk down the hall, when I hear someone behind me, calling me by my fake name. I turn around, and see Sam. He’s going by the name Mr. Brown.

“Yes, Mr. Brown?” I ask, trying not to laugh at his attire. Dress shirt, tie, khakis, and loafers. He looks like a complete and total NERD. 

“May I see you in my room for a minute?” he asks. I nod. I walk towards him, and follow him into the classroom. I see Dean in a gym uniform, and laugh as Sam closes the door. He pulls the shade down on the window that shows into the hallway. I take a seat at the desk next to Dean.

“Hey, did you smell that sulfur?” I ask. Sam nods.

“No, I’ve been in the gym teaching dodgeball.” Dean says. I chuckle.

“Believe me, you’re gonna get HELL when you have me in class, Dean.” I say. He shakes his head, smiling.

“Go easy on me, okay?” he asks, smiling slightly. I shake my head.

“Never. You decided to wear shorts, so you must SUFFAH!” I exclaim. He chuckles. 

“So, how’s your first day?” Sam asks. 

“So far, so good. But what do we do about the sulfur?” I ask. Sam shrugs.

“See what happens I guess.” He says. I nod. 

“Okay.” I reply. “Hey, can I eat lunch in here? I’m afraid I’ll have to eat alone.” I say. They nod.

“Yeah of course.” Sam says. I take my lunch out, and start to eat. Sam, Dean and I discuss about the demons, and what to do if we see one. My demon killing knife is in my boot, so...yeah. 

Soon lunch is over, and I have math. So I walk into math, and the teacher eyes me like I’m evil. As if he...knows me. And most demons know Sam and Dean, or so they tell me. Maybe the demons are keeping tabs on the guys, and now they know about me. SHIT.

All throughout Math class, I see the teacher looking at me whenever he isn’t talking to the class. 

After Math, I have gym. This should be fun. >:)

****

“Good afternoon, class. I am Mr. Johnson. I will be replacing Mr. Gunt for a while, and today, we are going to be playing kickball.” Dean says. 

I look at him, and notice something. MWAHAHAHA.

“Uh, Mr. Johnson?” I say with hatred in my voice. I obviously don’t hate him, but I wanna give him a hard time today just to piss him off. 

“Yes?” he asks, looking at me with a face that says, ‘Don’t screw with me in front of all these people, Rach!’. I try not to smile.

“Yeah, you’re shorts are on backwards.” I say. The whole class snickers. Dean glares at me and I smirk. 

“I’ll see you after school.” he says, trying to be intimidating. I smirk again.

“Oh my. I’m SOO scared.” I say sarcastically. The kids in the class snicker again, and Dean glares once more. MWAHAHAHA.

****

After gym, I have history with Sam. I walk up the stairs, and see Sam outside the classroom. He sees me, and suddenly I am on the ground. I look up at the kid who tripped me, and he kicks me hard in my side. 

“Hey new girl.” he says. Sam grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him away. I stand up, and grab my stuff. I walk into Sam’s class, after nodding at him to signal I’m okay. 

****

After class, I walk back to my locker. I start to walk out of school and towards the Impala, when I’m tripped again. As I’m about to stand up, the same guy kicks me in the ribs. I fall to my side, and try to block my mid-section. He kicks me in the face, and then grabs me by my hair.

“Hey, Winchester.” he says, and his eyes flash black. SHIT. He slams me in the eye with his fist, and I shout.

“SAM! DEAN!”

 

DEAN’S POV

I start to walk out the front door and around the school towards the car, and hear Rachel.

“SAM! DEAN!” 

I run towards the sound, and Sam follows. We run around the back of the school and see two guys beating the shit out of Rachel with black eyes.

 

RACHEL’S POV

Sam and Dean try to come over to me, but are interrupted when a man in a trench coat appears and kills the demons by putting his hands on their heads. I fall to my side and curl up into a ball and black out.

****

Once I come to, I’m lying in a bed with a bandage on my arm where the one demon cut me. was I kidnapped or something? I scream. Sam rushes in, and kneels next to me. I start sobbing.

“Where am I? What happened? Who was th-” I start, but Sam shushes me and hugs me tightly. 

“It’s okay, he’s a friend.” he says. I start to sob into his chest. I’m not even sure why I’m crying, I just am. He rubs my back, and it helps me calm down a little bit. I stop crying eventually, and Sam asks me if I want to come downstairs because he bought some lunch. I nod, and walk into the other room with Sam. 

Dean is sitting and eating and the guy in the trench coat is sitting next to him. Sam leads me over to the table, and I sit across from Dean while Sam takes some food out of a plastic bag. He hands me a BLT.

“Hey, how ya feeling?” Dean asks. 

“My whole body aches, but I’ll live.” I say. Dean nods. He looks at the guy in the trench coat.

“This is our friend, Castiel. We call him Cas.” Dean says. I look at Cas.

“How did you kill those demons?” I ask. 

“I’m an angel.” he says. I nod. Suddenly I can feel the panic coming over me.

 


	3. I'm Right Here

DEAN’S POV

I see that scared look on Rachel’s face, despite her attempts to hide it. She gets up without words, and runs back up into her room. Sam stands, but I stop him.

“I got this one.” I say. He nods, and I chase after Rachel. She slams the door to her room, and I run down the hall and open it, to see her lying on the bed, crying and gasping for breath. I sit next to her, and she sits up and lunges at me, crying into my chest.

I wrap my arms around her and try to help her calm down. She starts shaking slightly, and I don’t know what to do. So I just hug her and try to help the best I can.

“Shhh, it’s okay Rach. I’m right here. Shh, you’re safe, I swear. It’s okay, Rachel, it’s okay.” I whisper. I rub my right hand on her back, and she seems to be okay with that. She keeps crying.

“Shh, it’s alright. You don’t have to be scared.” I say. She cries harder, and grips the collar of my shirt tightly. I continue to rub her back, and she calms down soon. 

For a few minutes, we just sit there. I still have my arms around her, while she just kinda sits there.

“Dean?” she says, breaking the silence.

“Hmm?” I say. She hugs me tighter.

“I’m sorry.” she says. I smile slightly.

“Don’t be sorry.” I reply. She nods. 

“Thanks, Dean.” she says. I hug her tighter.

 

RACHEL’S POV

Dean walks back into the other room, and I tell him I’ll be there in a minute. As I’m about to turn the corner and walk towards the guys, I hear Sam and Dean talking.

“I mean, you were this...No-Sharing-and-Caring kind of guy, and now you’re acting like some kind of softie. She’s changing you. You love her, man.” Sam says.

“Well, yeah I love her! She’s my sister! And you know what? I dont care. She’s my sister and if i’m showing that I care, then good. Sam, the kid needs to know that someone cares. I intend to show her.” he says. 

I notice I’m crying now. Sam replies.

“I understand. I mean, we just met her, but I already love her.” 

“Now you’re the one going soft, Sammy.” Dean replies with a chuckle. I’m bawling. I walk out, and Sam and Dean look at me. Before they can say anything, I walk and hug them both.

“I finally have the family I always wanted.” I say. They hug back, and I smile. 

****

We go back to the school the next day, after I tell Sam and Dean about the math teacher. I go through the school day again, and the same thing happens in math. He eyes me every minute. I get through the class, and then go back up to go to Sam’s class.

****

As I’m walking out of the school towards the Impala, I hear someone behind me. I spin around, and then there’s all black. 

  
  


DEAN’S POV

“Sam, she can’t have just disappeared!” I say. Sam doesn’t want to admit that the math demon took Rachel.

“I know, Dean. We have to find our sister, man.” he says. I nod. Where could she be? 

I run into the school with Sam, and see the other teachers all in the hallway getting ready to leave.

“We need to ask you guys some questions.” I say. They scoff, so Sam and I take out our FBI badges. They nod. 

“Where does Mr. Tylers live?” Sam asks. 

“Up the road about a quarter of a mile. 352 Clover Road.” one of them says.

  
RACHEL’S POV

I wake up strung up by my wrists. I start to struggle to get free. I see Mr. Tylers, the Math teacher, sitting in front of me.

“Don’t even try. You will fail.” he says, standing up. I notice my knife is next to him on the floor. 

“You stay the hell away from me.” I say. He ignores me and comes closer. He unbuttons the top button on my shirt, and I realize what is going on.

“SAM! DEAN! HELP!” I scream.

  
  


SAM’S POV

We pull up to the dark house and race inside with holy water, guns, and the knife. When we get inside I hear Rachel below us crying and shouting, “STOP!”  

We run into the basement, and I see the demon taking advantage of my sister.

“HEY!” I shout to get his attention. He turns to me, and walks towards me. Dean stabs him from behind. We untie Rachel and she falls to the floor. She curls up into a ball on her side, her arms across her chest. She starts sobbing. I look at Dean, and then walk over to her.

“Shh, it’s okay, he’s gone. He won’t hurt you again.” I say.

“N-not again!” she shouts. I look at Dean, and then decide I’ll ask her later what ‘not again’ means. 

****

Rachel fell asleep in the backseat about 20 minutes ago, and we are on our way back to the bunker. She starts tossing and turning, and then she gasps and shoots into a sitting position, panting. I turn and look at her. She looks at me with tears in her eyes.

“Sorry, I-I’m sorry.” She says. 

“Don’t apologize.” Dean says. She nods.

****

We get to the bunker, and I carry Rachel inside. I put her in her bed, and she stays asleep.

 

RACHEL’S POV

_ “She’s dead, Rachel. I killed her.” he says. _

_ “No! BASTARD!” I scream. He glares. _

_ “Such anger. Young Skywalker.” he replies. I go to punch him, and I end up pinned to the wall. He walks over to me, and unbuttons the top button on my shirt. And that’s when he started to touch me. I scream. _

I sit up and gasp. I see Sam standing next to the bed.

“What happened?” he asks, crossing the room and turning my light on. I notice I’m crying, when Dean enters the room.

“Hey, you okay? We heard you scream.” he says. I sigh, and try to wipe some tears away, only to have them be replaced with new ones.

“Sorry, I-I had a nightmare.” I say. Sam sits next to me, and puts an arm around my shoulders, so i lean into his side. 

“What about?” he asks. I sigh.

“Okay, so remember when after I was untied I said, ‘not again’? That’s because that’s happened to me before. By another demon.” I say. Sam and Dean look shocked.

“Wh-” Sam starts but i cut him off. I’m not finished yet.

“When I was about 9 or 10, my mom was killed by a demon. He killed her, and then, he screamed at me.  He told me she was dead. I couldn’t believe it. She was actually gone. What was I supposed to do? Anyways, he pinned me to a wall, and…” I trail off.

“And what?” Dean asks.

“And he took my innocence.” I finish, crying and remembering that terrible day. Sam and Dean get enraged.

“He what?” Sam says through clenched teeth, standing. I sigh, sobbing now. Dean hugs me, and I cry into his chest. 

“It’s okay, you’re safe.” Dean coos. I just keep crying. I get so scared just thinking about it. I know, I must seem weak, but I’m just saying. 

“I’m sorry.” I say, pulling away from Dean, but he doesn’t let me, and hugs me tighter. 

“Don’t be sorry.” he whispers. 

“I just...I can’t…” I start, but Dean shushes me.

“Don’t say it if you don’t want to.” he says. I nod. I keep hugging Dean, and he rubs my back. I look between Sam and Dean.

“I’m really tired. But...um...can one of you stay with me?” I ask, sheepishly. 

“I’ll stay.” Sam says. Dean nods. He kisses my forehead, and then gets up and walks back into his room. Sam lies down next to me in the bed, and I just cuddle up next to him. He wraps his arms around me, and I slowly fall asleep, feeling protected in his embrace.

****

I wake up the next morning in Sam’s arms. Sam is still sleeping, so I kinda just sit there for a while. I cuddle closer to Sam, and he wakes up. He kisses the top of my head. He hugs me for a second, and then we get up. We walk downstairs, and get some breakfast. Then, I get a great idea when Dean comes downstairs.

“Do we have a case today?” I ask. They shake their heads. 

“No, why?” Sam says. I smile.

“I have an idea.” I say.

****

Sam, Dean and I reach the bowling alley. I smile, giddy. I absolutely LOVE bowling! I jump out of the car, and run towards the bowling alley, feeling like a little kid on Christmas. I run inside, and Sam and Dean come up behind me. We get some shoes and the bowling balls, and then I get fries, a brownie, and a soda. Sam gets a salad (HEALTH FREAK!), and Dean gets a bacon cheeseburger.

We get to the lanes, and start the game. I’m going last, after Sam, then Dean.

Sam bowls a spare, 3 then 7. 

Dean bowls a 6. MAH TURN!

I get the ball, and put my three fingers where they are supposed to go. I bowl a strike, and turn to face Sam and Dean.

“And that’s how it’s done.” I say arrogantly. They smile.

 


	4. Dust In The Wind

All together we end up bowling a 267 out of 300. We walk out of the bowling alley.

“SHOTGUN!” I scream at the top of my lungs, and race Sam to the car. As he passes me, I jump on his back, and he grabs me.

“Mush!” I say, pointing towards the Impala. He chuckles, but gives me a piggyback ride to the car. I smile. When we get to the door, he lets me sit shotgun, and I smile as Dean chuckles.

“You guys are weird.” he says. I smile slightly.

“Good. Dean, don’t you understand? I wanna live in a world where normal is considered an insult.” I reply. He chuckles as he shuts his door.

“Hey, you were pretty awesome in there.” Sam says.

“Yeah, where’d you learn to bowl like that?” Dean asks. I smile, and lean back, and put my hands behind my head, relaxing.

“Ya either got it or you don’t.” I reply, sighing triumphantly. Sam and Dean chuckle, and I smile. What an amazing, great day!

****

    We drive to a food market. Sam wants to buy something to be able to make burgers tonight, and then cake. Of course he is gonna buy a piece of pie for Dean, though. 

    I sit in the car as I watch Sam walk through the doors. I hear a song playing on the radio, so I turn up "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas. I close my eyes, lean against the seat, and sing along. 

_ I close my eyes. Only for a moment, and the moment's gone. All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity.  _

_       Dust in the wind. All we are is dust in the wind.  _

 

DEAN'S POV

    She sings along, and I am amazed at how awesome she is. She has her eyes closed, and I smile. She's so good! I watch her as she sings. Sam starts to come back towards the car, and I shush him as he does. 

    Once he gets in, Rachel doesn't notice because the music is loud. 

_ "Dont hang on. Nothing lasts forever but the Earth and sky. It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy." _

__ Sam's eyes go wide, and I smile. I nod, and he does too. The song ends, and she opens her eyes. 

      "Sorry." She says. 

      "No, don't be sorry." I reply. 

       "I just...sometimes I get lost in the music." She says. 

      "Nice job." Sam says behind her. She squeals and jumps. 

     "Jesus Sam! Don't do that to me!" She says. I chuckle. 

     "Sorry, forgot to tell you he got in." I say. She nods.

****

    We get back to the bunker, and Rachel, Sam and I are talking about us bowling. 

      "What?! Sam, Dean, I love you guys, but you both SUCK at bowling." She says, as we walk towards the kitchen. 

     "You've got to be kidding me! At least I did better than Dean!" Sam replies. 

     "Hey, shut it." I say with mock anger. He chuckles. Rachel smiles at me, but soon her smile fades, and I don't think she realizes I am seeing her smile go away. She walks to her room, and Sam looks at me, then chases after her. 

 

SAM’S POV

She slams her door shut, and I open it back up.

****

After she has a panic attack, she hides under the covers.

“Rach…” I trail off. She apologizes. I pull the covers off of her, and she covers her red, tear filled eyes.

“Rach, it’s okay.” I say. She sniffles and shakes her head. I get an idea. “Rachel,” I sing. “it’s hard to keep your arms up when somebody’s tickling you!” She shakes her head, and her arms remain over her head.

"Okay, you pay the price!" I say, before tickling her sides. She screams with laughter, and her arms shoot down to her sides, but I’m not letting up. I tickle her harder, and she tries to squirm away, but I don't let her. 

“SAHAHAHAMMY! C-CUHUHUT IT OUT!” she shouts. Dean walks by the door, and stares.

“DEHEHEHEHEHEAN! MAKE HIM STHAHAHAHAHAHAP!” she shouts. He shakes his head, and keeps walking. After another 2 minutes, I stop, and she lies on the bed catching her breath and giggling.

“Never...again.” she says. I smirk. We walk back out of the room.

 

RACHEL’S POV

I see Dean drinking a beer, and stop dead in my tracks, filled with fear. It’s weird, I know, but I have a phobia of alcohol because the only time my dad beat me was when he was drunk. i know it’s really stupid, because Sam and Dean would never hurt me, EVER, but I can’t seem to get it out of my head. When I see alcohol, I always connect it to my father. He looks at me. 

"You okay?" He asks. I nod. 

"I-uh-yeah." I say nervously. He eyes me. 

"You look like you saw a ghost." He says. I nod slowly. 

"Um...s-sorry." I say. I walk and sit down next to him. Why am I scared? He puts his hand on mine, and I freeze. 

"Rach? What's wrong?" Sam asks. I sigh. 

"It's stupid." I say. He shakes his head and tells me to speak. I nod. 

"My dad only hurt me when he was drunk." I say. Dean sighs. "I know it's really dumb and I feel stupid even saying it but-" 

"It's not stupid. We just need you to know that neither of us are gonna hurt you, Rach. It's okay. We are very responsible, and you'll be okay. I swear." Sam says. I nod. 

"Sorry." I say. 

"No, don't be sorry." Dean says. I nod, and rest my head on his shoulder. 

"Oh, Sam, Dean?" I say.

"What?" They say in unison. 

"I really did kick both your asses, didn't I?" I ask, wanting to lighten the mood. 

"What?! No!" Dean says defensively. I giggle. 

"You guys were AWFUL." I say. They smile slightly, and I smile proudly. 


	5. The Dean Winchester Special

The next morning, I wake up to Sam shouting. I grab my demon knife, and run towards the sound, only to get pinned to a wall. 

“The Littlest Winchester.” she says. I grunt to try to get off the wall. She smirks. “Don’t even try.” She walks closer to me.

“I think you’ll wanna know what your brothers REALLY think of you.” she says. I stop for a moment. Dean is next to Sam on the wall. “Ahh, struck your interest?” she says.

“Rach, whatever she says is a lie!” Dean exclaims.

“Rachel, why would Dean say that if he wasn’t trying to hide something?” she says. She puts one hand on Sam’s forehead, and one on Dean’s.

“Ahh, yes, the truth comes out into the open. Sammy first.” she says. I look at Sam. 

“Well, I didn’t expect it to be THIS bad! Rachel Winchester is an annoying problem that, unfortunately, Dean and I have to deal with.” she says. 

“You’re lying!” Sam snaps. She smirks.

“Am I?” she says, looking at me. I feel tears falling from from my eyes.

“Sam.” I breathe.

“Next up, Dean Winchester.” she says. “Wow, worse. Rachel needs to get some help, because she’s become a pathetic distraction.” 

“No!” Dean says. I feel myself bawling. I am suddenly off the wall. I jump to my feet, and run out the door. I rush down the street, and get to a bus stop. 

I get on a bus to Philadelphia, and I realize that i will be on this bus for a LONG time to get from Kansas to Pennsylvania. I sigh. How could they think those things about me? I’m pathetic.

  
  


DEAN’S POV

She takes her hands off our heads, and I am able to say what I mean again.

“What did you do to us?!” Sam shouts. The demon smirks. 

“I took control and only let you say what I wanted you to say. See, I didn’t want you to deny what I said, so you didn’t. Now she’s on her way away from you.” she says. We get off the wall, and Sam slowly slowly sneaks up behind the bitch, and stabs her with our knife. She falls down dead. I immediately know what we have to do. I pray to Cas, and he appears behind me.

“You prayed?” he asks. I nod.

“Rachel ran away.” I say. He goes wide eyed.

“Why?” he asks. I sigh.

“We’ll explain later, but can you find her?” I ask. He sighs and shakes his head.

“I don’t know...she’s got a hex bag, I may not be able to locate her. I’m sorry.” Cas replies. Sam sighs, and looks at me.

“What now?” he asks. I sigh too.

“I have no idea.”

 

1 WEEK LATER

RACHEL’S POV

“Thanks.” I say to the lady who took my order. I’ve been on the run from Sam and Dean for a week now, and I’ve had to deal with my panic attacks on my own.

I miss them, but I don’t plan on going back. They don’t need me. They did fine before I came around, they’re doing even better since I decided to haul ass. 

I’ve been holding onto my hex bag as if it is a life source, refusing to be visible on the radar again. The second that hex bag gets away from me, Cas will find me, and tell the guys, which i really dont want.

I’ve been carrying my gun with silver bullets, extra bullets with rock salt, and my demon knife. I’ve killed about 3 demons over the past week. Somehow they all find me.

I walk down the street with my bag from Burger King, and walk to a park, and take a seat on a bench. I got onion rings, a chocolate shake, and a bacon cheeseburger. I got the burger because of Dean.

A few days before I took off, Dean came back to the bunker after a food run.

****

_ “I’m back, and I have food!” Dean shouts as he walks back into the bunker. _

_ “What took you so long?” I ask as he walks to the table and puts down the bags of food he has in his hands. _

_ “Shut it, you get your food, now be happy.” he replies jokingly. I smile. I start to look through the bags. _

_ “Dean, where are my hot dogs?” I ask, not seeing them in any of the bags. _

_ “Nope, no way. I ain’t giving you that crap-quality food. Nah, I’m giving you the Dean Winchester special. A bacon cheeseburger with extra grease.” he says. I smile. _

_ “Okay, I guess I’m not a Winchester if I don’t eat like a pig.” I reply. He nods, and hands me a wrapped up burger. _

_ “Damn straight.” he says. I unwrap the burger, and look at it, and then take a bite. HOLY SHIT THIS IS HEAVEN ON A FRIGGIN’ BUN! _

_ “Holy crap.” I say. Dean smiles. _

_ “Like it?” he asks. I nod, and take another bite. _

_ “Damn you, Dean Winchester.” I say. _

_ “Why?” _

_ “Because now I’m gonna be a fatass, thanks to you ruining me. It’s like no other food compares!” i exclaim. He chuckles. _

_ “Believe me, I know.” _

****

I smile at the memory, and then unwrap my burger. Some things will never change. I finish all my food, and then get up from the bench, and start to walk down the street. I throw my trash away in a garbage can, and walk to the alley where I have been sleeping.

“Winchester.” someone says from behind me. I mentally curse, and turn to face the demon.

“Dickhead.” I say. He smirks, and his eyes flash black. “Look, do we really need to do this right now? I just ate, and I’m not supposed to beat the shit out of some douchebag for another half hour.” He starts to walk towards me. “No? Fine, let’s do it your way.”

I pull out my knife and slice his arm. He steps back, and shouts. I advance and get ready to stab him, when he shoves me back into the wall. I drop my knife. He comes towards me, so I slam him in the face with my fist. He stumbles, so I lift up my leg and front-kick him in the stomach, to send him flying onto his back. When I go for my knife, I’m stuck to the wall, and see 2 more demons join in on the fight. One of them grabs my knife.

“Now you get to know what it’s like to be stabbed with this stupid knife.” The female one says. She raises her arm, but soon light comes out of her eyes and mouth and nose, and I close my eyes and look away. I hear someone shout “HEY!” and then screams. I fall off the wall, so I decide to look and open my eyes.

“Cas?” I ask, staring at the angel before me. 

“Hello Rachel. It’s been a while.” he says.

“How did you find me?” I ask. 

“You really should keep track of your things.” he says. I feel in my pocket, my hex bag is gone.

“Damnit.” I say to myself. “Cas, please, just go.” 

“Rachel, you need to go home.” he replies.

“I don’t wanna go home, Cas!” I exclaim.

“Why?” he asks.

“Ya know what I have at home? Embarrassment. I bother Sam and Dean with my stupid, weak bullshit about not being able to stay calm and panicking all the time! I barely help on cases because I’m useless! I’m just in the way, Cas. They don’t need my crap right now.” I say, grabbing my knife off the ground.

“Do you wanna know what’s REALLY waiting for you at the bunker? Two guys who were controlled by a demon and didn’t get to say what they wanted to say. That demon made it up, and then wouldn’t let them protest. Waiting for you at the bunker are 2 guys, your brothers, who have been looking for you 24/7. 2 guys who care about you. 2 guys who can’t handle the fact you left, and 2 guys who don’t understand why you don’t want to come back to them. You think you’re in the way? It’s the exact opposite. They need you, because you’re their family. And whether you like it or not, they want you home.” he says. 

“Are you serious?” I ask quietly, my anger leaving me. 

“Immensely.” he replies. I think a moment. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. I need to go home. I walk towards Cas, and hug him. He seems shocked for a moment, but soon hugs me back.

“Cas?” I ask into his shoulder. 

“Yes?” he says. 

“Can you take me back home?” 

****

SAM’S POV

“So he just winked out?” Dean asks. “What the hell happened while I was gone?”

“We were looking for Rachel, when all of the sudden Cas got this weird look on his face, and then he was gone.” I reply.

“Well, do you think he found her?” Dean says.

“Yeah.” We hear by the door. We both look and see Rachel leaning against the door frame. “I think he did.” 

She walks towards us, and hugs us both. She pulls away, and looks at us.

“I’m really sorry.” she says.

“You scared the hell out of us! 7 days you were gone!” Dean says. She nods.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Just never run away like that again.” I say. She nods.

“Don’t worry. I’ve got all my thoughts and priorities straightened out, I won’t be leaving anytime soon.” she replies. I smile, and hug her again. She pulls away and looks at Dean. She opens her arms. He just looks away.

“Dean, come on, you can’t stay mad at me forever.” she says. He looks at her, and smiles slightly, and gives her a hug. “Now that’s my brother.” she says into his shoulder, smiling widely.

****

I wake up at about 4 o’ clock in the morning to someone whispering “Wakey Wakey!” so I open my eyes. I see a girl that has blonde hair with blue streaks in it. Her eyes flash black. I reach under my pillow for my knife not taking my eyes off of her.

Suddenly I’m on the wall. I grunt in pain from the impact. She smirks. 

“Looking for this?” she asks, holding up my knife. Shit. “Hello Winchester.” 

“Hello Bitch.” I reply. The smirk leaves her face. 

“Look, I’m just gonna be straight with you, us demons have been doing some experiments.” she says.

“What kind of experiments?” I ask, not sure where this is going.

“Well, you know about deals, right? Of course you do. We have found ways to get around the deals.” she replies. 

She comes over to me, and puts her hands on either side of my head, and starts talking in Latin.

“Supplicia descendunt in infernum verus usus anima tua.” she says, and I feel my stomach twisting, and I groan. She pulls away.

“What did you just do?” I ask, pissed.

“I told you, we go around the deal-making part. I think you can figure out what that means.” she says. I think a moment, and then my eyes widen with realization.

“I’m going to Hell?” I say. She smiles and nods. “Wait, you figured out a damn spell on how drag souls downstairs without making a deal?” 

“Impressed?” she asks. “When you die, you go to Hell.” I am suddenly filled with panic, and I can feel it coming like a tidal wave. I do the only thing I can think of. 

“SAM! DEAN! GUYS HELP!” I scream at the top of my lungs. She slaps me. I keep shouting. “GUYS NOW! SAM! DEAN!” 

Sam comes barging in, and stabs her dead. I fall off the wall and into Dean’s arms. I let it out, sobbing and panicking.

“Hey, hey, shh, shh, relax, its okay, it’s okay.” Dean coos, getting on his knees as I fall to the ground, and holding me close.

“D-Dean! She used a sp-sp-spell!” I say.

“What spell, Rach?” he asks.

“The d-demons got around d-d-deals! They don’t n-need them! She said a sp-spell that is g-gonna bring me down! Dean, I’m going to Hell!” I say. Dean suddenly freezes, and then pulls me closer.


	6. Human Punching Bag

I wake up the next morning in Dean’s bed with his arm around me. My face is sticky from crying so much, and my head hurts. I look at the clock and see it is 1:30, so I turn and look at Dean, and he’s still asleep. I’ll fix it.

I flick his nose and get nothing.

I slap his forehead and get nothing. 

I stand up and look at Dean still sleeping. I smile, anticipating what I’m about to do.

“DEAN ALL THE PIE IN THE WORLD HAS DISAPPEARED!” I scream quickly. He quickly sits up.

“NOOOO!” he screams. I literally double over laughing, and fall to my knees. He’s panting, and then he looks at me. “Hey, that’s not nice.” I just keep laughing. 

I calm down a little, and sit down next to Dean on the bed. 

“Okay, look, I hate to bring the mood down, but we need to talk about this.” he says. The smile leaves my face, and i sigh.

“Yeah. I know we do.” I reply. “What do we do?” 

“Call Cas, see what he can tell us, and see what we can do, I guess.” Dean says. I nod. 

****

“You called?” Cas says from behind us. We turn and face him, and Dean nods.

“Yeah, we need some help.” he replies. 

“What’s wrong?” Cas asks. Sam sighs.

“Apparently demons have been experimenting, and they figured out how to drag souls downstairs without having to make a deal, and they did it to Rachel.” he says. Cas goes wide eyed.

“How is that-? Never mind. What do you want me to do?” Cas asks.

“We want you to reverse the curse! Bring these sons of bitches to their knees, Cas!” Dean exclaims.

“You want me to reverse a demonic spell? That may be harder than you think.” he replies.

“We need to, Cas. At least find out as much as you can.” Sam says. Cas nods.

“I’ll do my best.” he says, and he leaves. I sigh, and walk over to my laptop. I pull up the case I was looking at.

“What are you doing?” Sam asks.

“I found a case for us to work.” I reply. Dean shakes his head.

“Don’t you think you should lay low and away from possible death?” he says. I look up at him.

“Some dick demons aren’t gonna stop me from doing what I do best.” I say. He nods.

“What do we got?” he asks. I look back at the file up on my screen. 

“Okay, 2 men were murdered over the past 2 weeks, guts all turned to mush.”

"Didn't we work something like that once before?" Dean asks.

"Yeah, the djinn case." Sam replies.

"Good, so we know what it is." I say. They nod.

"Think we need the journal?" Sam asks, and Dean shakes his head.

"What journal?" I ask.

"Our dad's journal. He wrote everything about anything that we hunt in that book." Dean replies.

"Where is your dad?" I ask.

"He died a long time ago." Sam says.

"Oh. Sorry." I say. Dean waves it off.

"Hey, what was your family situation again?" He asks.

"Oh, well, my mom died when I was little and my dad's in jail." I reply.

"Why?" Sam asks.

"He thought I was a human punching bag." I reply.

"Oh." is all they say.

"How long?" Dean asks.

"A few years. Sorry, if you guys don't mind, we should change the subject, I really hate talking about that." I reply, trying to keep my mind from wandering back into my past.

“Yeah, sorry. So, where did this happened?” Dean asks. I scan the article a little more, and find the area.

“Houston, Texas.” I reply. They nod.

****

Sam, Dean and I just got into Houston. We’re driving somewhere, but Dean won’t tell me where. He turns right down a street, and then pulls into a parking spot. 

“Where are we?” I ask. Dean turns and smiles at me.

“Sam, suits store. I’ll meet you outside in 10 minutes.” he says. Sam nods, and takes me into a store filled with work clothes. He brings me to a rack.

“Pick one.” he says. I eye him.

“Why?” I question.

“Just pick one.” he says back. I nod. I start to look through the racks, and find a black blazer and pencil skirt. 

“These.” I say. He nods. He grabs a white dress shirt, and pays for everything. We walk out of the store. “Why do I need this stuff?”

“Here’s why.” Dean says behind us. I turn and see him walking up to us. He hands me a laminated piece of paper. I see it’s an ID. An FBI credentials card.

“Dude, what the hell is this?” I ask.

“How do you think we get information from witnesses and people? We just ask. But we don’t ask as hunters.” he says. I look at the name.

“Karianna Jameson? How did you know that name?” I ask. That’s the name I used to use while I was on the run from my foster home. 

“I looked you up.” Dean says. I gulp. What else has he found? 

“What did you find?” I ask. He looks at Sam. 

“Sam, why don’t you go check us into a motel?” he says. Sam nods, and walks away. Dean looks at me. “What do you think I found, Rach?” 

“Uhh...I don’t know.” I reply. He sighs.

“Rach.  _ 4 _ suicide attempts?” he asks. And there it is. My dark past. Suicidal thoughts and attempts, cutting, and a lot of hospital time. I sigh. 

“Dean, I wish you would have just asked me for a name.” I reply, looking down. 

"But Rach, 4?" He asks. I clear my throat.

  
  
  


DEAN’S POV

"I bet Sam's gonna pick a shitty room. I'll go set him straight." She says, before walking off. I sigh. This isn't over yet. I get a text from Sam, and it's an address for a motel.

"Rachel is with me." He texts. I walk to the car and drive for literally less than a minute to the motel parking lot. Sam tells me the room number, and I walk through the door, and see Rachel sitting on one of the beds using her laptop. She looks up at me, then looks back down. Sam notices and raises a brow, and I shake my head.

"Okay, what's going on?" I ask.

"John Davidson was found dead three days ago in a ditch by an old church on Millburn Street. His guts were completely liquidated. Then Jackson Hills was found in a ditch near a train station about 10 minutes from Millburn Chapel." She says, still not looking at me.

"Same thing?" I ask.

"Yup. Creme filling." She replies.

"Okay, well, was there a blue handprint on the arms of the guys who were killed?" Sam asks, and she looks at him.

"How did you know that?" She asks.

"Same thing happened the last time." I say. She nods, but doesn't look at me.

"Djinns usually feed off of weakness, show you what you want the most. But the problem with these djinns is they feed off of fear." Sam says.

"How do we kill it?" She asks.

"Silver blade dipped in lamb's blood." I reply. She nods.

****

"Come on!" I shout as we drive as fast as we can to Rachel's location. She was taken by the djinn. We get to an old warehouse, and shut off the car. We grab our lamb's blood dipped blades, and run inside. The djinn has her hand on Rachel's arm, and Rachel is unconscious.

"Hey!" Sam shouts. The djinn turns and faces us, and I run up and stab her. She falls down dead. I run up to Rachel.

"Rachel!? Rach!" I exclaim, shaking her. Nothing. I feel her head and it’s burning hot. "She's burning up."

"African dream root. It's what we did last time." Sam says.

****

I drink the dream root, and Sam punches me out.

****

I wake up lying on the lawn outside a house. I hear shouting in the house, and stand. I walk through the door, and see Rachel. Nothing's changed, except she has a black eye and a bleeding nose. A man is in front of her. He slaps her.

"Hey!" I shout. The man looks at me.

"Who the hell are you?!" He shouts.

"Doesn't matter just get away from her." I say. Rachel looks at me.

"Dean?" She asks. I nod.

"You know him?!" The man roars.

"Dad, I-" SLAP!

“SHUT UP!” he screams. I run over and stand in front of Rachel. 

“Stop.” I growl. Suddenly he disappears. I turn to look at Rachel. “It’s okay.” 

“No, it’s not, he’ll come back!” she exclaims, sounding terrified.

“Hey, it’s the djinn, Rach.” I say. She looks into my eyes. “You gotta stop fighting.” 

“What? No!” she exclaims.

“Rachel, you need to face it.” I say calmly. She takes a moment, and then she nods. She walks past me, and faces the empty room. Her dad storms through the door. She looks at me, and I nod. 

“RACHEL!” he thunders. 

“I’m right here.” she says, her voice trembling. He looks at her.

“YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE SHIT!” he screams, before backhanding her. I know she has to face this, but it’s all I can do not to punch him out. She falls to the ground. He kicks her in the side, and she grunts. 

****

I open my eyes on the ground of the warehouse. I look and see Rachel waking up. I sit up, and look at her. She  [ lunges ](https://31.media.tumblr.com/2c029cd49d37139baaa6d1964216571d/tumblr_inline_n2xnydarJi1qdk8lx.gif) at me, and starts bawling into my chest. Sam looks at us, and I just shake my head.

****

 

RACHEL’S POV

We get back to the Bunker, and Sam walks inside, and goes to his room. I start to walk to mine, but Dean stops me. I sigh.

“What, Dean?” I ask, irritated. If it’s about my hospital record, I don’t wanna talk about it.

“We need to talk.” he says.

“No we don’t.” I snap. He looks at me, a little surprised by my tone. I’m never like this, but this is a sensitive subject about a shitty time in my life.

“Look-” he starts, but I cut him off. 

“No,  _ you _ look, Dean! I’m not gonna talk about this! I’ve got a past, Dean. Yeah, it’s dark, and scary, but it’s a past. And it’s  _ my  _ past, so you’re not allowed to know about it, Dean! And I swear on my life, if you do anymore ‘research’ about me, I’m taking off, and don’t you dare think I’m gonna come back this time!” I shout, and I storm off to my room. I slam the door, and lock it. I grab my blade, and sigh.


	7. You're safe.

DEAN’S POV

Well, that went well. I guess it could’ve gone worse, but still. I go to knock on her door and apologize.

“Rachel...come on, open the door.” I say. Silence. I sigh. “Rach.” I say. I jiggle the knob, and nothing happens. So I reach above the doorframe and grab the key. I unlock the door, and see Rachel suddenly stand up, dropping something to the ground.

“Get out.” she says.

“I just wanna talk.” I say.

“No, Dean. Please, just get out.” she says, and I notice something drip from her sleeve.

“What was that?” I ask. She looks from her arm to me, and kicks something under the bed.

“Nothing.” she says. 

“Rach, what the hell.” I say. She sighs.

“It’s nothing, Dean.” she says. I walk over to her, and grab her wrists to try to sit her down and talk. She gasps, sounding pained. I look at her, confused. I roll up her sleeves, shocked at what I see.

The are gashes all over her arms, which are both covered in the blood that’s coming from her cuts. There’s scratch marks on her wrists, and the blood is dripping down her arm. I notice a word carved into her right arm: WEAK. I look up at her, shocked, and she’s looking away from me.

 

“Rach...I…”

“I’m sorry.” she says quietly. “I didn’t think...I mean…” she stumbles. I sigh, and let go of her wrists. 

“Rach…” I trail off.

“I don’t know if this makes you feel any better but this is the first time I’ve done this since I’ve been with you guys.” she says.

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.” I say. She sighs.

“Dean, I’m sorry.” she says. I sit down on the bed, and look down. “I just...I’ve been doing this for a long time. I never meant for you to-”

“Find out?” I ask, looking up at her and cutting her off. She looks down. “You were just gonna keep carving into yourself? Keep coming closer and closer to killing yourself and just not tell anyone!?” I yell. She flinches once my voice rises, and takes a step back from me. 

“Dad I’m sorry.” she says quietly, closing her eyes tightly. I sigh. 

I’m scaring her. I shouldn’t be yelling at her. After what happened with the djinn and her past with her dad I shouldn’t be shouting. I shouldn’t. It’s scaring her and I don’t want her to be afraid. I shouldn’t be getting mad that she’s in pain. I should help. 

“Look, Rach-” 

“I’m sorry.” she says, her voice cracking. She continues to look down and away from me. “I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please, I’m sorry.” she begs, her eyes shut tight. I see her hands are balled into fists and she’s starting to shake and I realize she’s starting to have a panic attack. 

“Hey, calm down.” I say softly. She puts her hands over her face. “Rachel come here.” I say. She just stands there, shaking. I reach out and touch her arm and she jerks away, and I pull my hand away. “Hey, hey, relax.”

“I’m sorry, Dad, I’m sorry.” she mumbles. I stand up slowly, not to scare her. Is this what happens whenever she has a panic attack? She thinks about her dad? I step towards her, and she backs up into the wall. 

She keeps her head down, and her hands go to her head, and she grips her hair tightly. Her eyes are shut very tight.

“Rachel, calm down.” I say.

“Dad.” she chokes out, sounding terrified. 

“Rach, it’s not your dad. It’s your brother, it’s Dean.” I say, knowing that she isn’t thinking right. This seems like one of the worst attacks I’ve seen her have. I realize tears are streaming down her face. “Sit down.” I say. She quickly moves and sits on the bed. I look at her. “That wasn’t an order.” I say.

“I’m sorry Dad, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I-”

“Rach.” I say gently. She puts her hands over her face again, and I kneel in front of her. “You need to relax.” Her breathing picks up speed and she starts shaking more. “Rachel look at me.”

“No no no no.” she says quietly, rambling, sounding terrified. This is what she feels. I see it now. Pure terror. She puts her hands in fists on her knees, and starts sounding like she can’t breathe. I slowly put my hands on hers, and she looks down at me. Suddenly something clicks and her eyes focus on me. “D-Dean?” 

“Yeah, hey. It’s me, you’re okay, you’re safe.” I say. She starts breathing a little more normally, and she closes her eyes, and I realize how hard she’s trying to calm down. “That was a pretty rough attack, huh?”

“You d-don’t know th-th-the half of it.” she stutters.

“Still panicking?” I ask. She hesitates a moment, and then nods. I sigh. I get up and sit next to her on the bed, facing her. “Come here.” I say. She looks at me, eyes red and puffy and dripping with tears, and she leans over and rests her head on my chest. I wrap my arms around her, and she moves closer, and soon turns and hugs me. She lets out a sob. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay.” I say. She starts sobbing into my chest, shaking with each sob. There’s a knock at the door and she jumps.

“Hey, shh, it’s fine, that’s Sam.” I say. She nods. “Do you want me to let him in?” I ask.

“Yeah but don’t get up.” she says. I nod.

“Come in Sam.” I call out. He comes in and sees Rachel hugging me, and looks confused for a moment. I shake my head.

“Hey what’s going on?” he asks.

“Rachel had a panic attack.” I say. He nods, and sits on the other side of Rachel. 

“Do you know why, Rach?” he asks. She pulls away from me, and looks at Sam. 

“Dean saw me when I...uh…” she stumbles.

“It’s okay, just tell him.” I say. She looks at me, and nods. 

“I was cutting.” she says. He looks surprised for a moment. 

“Why?” he asks. She sighs. 

“I do that. When I’m sad or scared or in pain I…” she trails off. She takes a deep breath, and then continues. “I decide why I’m hurt. I cut myself, and it hurts less than the pain I feel inside.” she says. Sam sighs.

“You can’t do that to yourself, kiddo.” he says, putting his hand on hers. She sighs.

“I can’t stop.” she says.

“Yes you can.” I say.

“We’ll help.” Sam says. She smiles slightly.

“I love you guys.” she says, looking between us. 

“We love you too.” Sam says. “So why’d you have a panic attack? ‘Cause Dean caught you?” 

“I got mad, which I shouldn’t have. I yelled and I made her think of her dad. I didn’t mean to scare you.” I say. She nods.

“I know.” she says. “Just...sometimes I wake up or I’m forced awake by a nightmare, or I have an attack and I think: This isn’t real. I’m still at home and I’m bruised and stiff and I’m lying on the floor and my dad’s passed out drunk and I’m gonna get hit and-” she rambles, but I stop her.

“Hey.” I say. She looks down. 

“I just...I’m so messed up that....sometimes, I can’t tell what’s real.” she says. 

“Look at me Rach.” I say. She looks up at me. I take her hand, and put it on my shoulder. “This. This is real. This is me. And that other person holding your hand? That’s Sammy. This is real, Rach. This is what’s happening. You’re not with your dad. He’ll never hurt you ever again because if he wants to he’s gonna have to go through me.” I say.

“And me.” Sam adds. She smiles slightly. 

“THIS is your reality, Rach. You’re safe. You’ve got me, and Sam, and a trenchcoat-wearing angel as your friend. Cas is your friend, Rach. And we’re your  _ brothers.  _ We’re family, okay? And that’s concrete.” I say. 

She smiles slightly, and hugs me. Then she pulls away and hugs Sam. 

“And it’s all I need.” she says. 

****

RACHEL'S POV

I open my eyes in Sam's bed. While Sam and Dean weren't angry, they were still wary about if I should be by myself for a couple days. Which I don't mind. I kind of like that they care so much. I look over and see Sam is still sleeping, so I carefully get up and walk into the main part of the bunker. I walk over to the sink and start to wet a towel. I didn't clean up my arms last night so I think I should. I roll up my sleeves and start to wet the towel.

"What are you doing?" Someone asks behind me. I jump and turn and look at Cas. I let out a breath I was holding.

"Damnit Cas don't scare me like that." I say. His eyes focus on my sides. I look down and realize he's looking at my arms. "Cas-"

"What is this?" He asks, walking towards me.

"Cas-"

"When did you do this?" He asks. I sigh.

"Last night." I say. He looks away from me. "Cas, I-"

"Why would you hurt yourself like this?" He asks, looking at me, and I see his eyes tearing.

"Cas, don't cry. I was just hurt and I didn't know what else to do." I say.

"Tell Sam. Tell Dean. Tell me!" He exclaims. I sigh.

"Cas, I'm-"

"There's gotta be something else you can do!"

"Cas-"

"You can't just-"

"Cas!" I say, cutting him off. He stops rambling and looks at me. "Relax, Cas. I'm gonna try to stop. I might need some help from you and the guys from time to time but I'm gonna try." I say. He nods.

"I'm happy to help. And so are Sam and Dean." He says. I smile slightly.

"I know they are. And I know you are too, Cas." I say. He smiles.

"I don't have many friends. Sam and Dean, and-"

"You're my friend too, Cas." I say. His eyes light up.

"I am?" He asks. I smile and walk over to him and hug him.

"Yeah." I say. He hugs me back, and I can feel him smiling too.


	8. Be Careful.

3 DAYS LATER

SAM’S POV

“SAMMY!” Rachel screams, and I hear her running through the hall. My door flies open and suddenly she lands on top of me. I grunt at the sudden impact. 

“What?” I groan.

“Wake up! I’m hungry and I want breakfast!” she says. I groan, and turn over. Suddenly she’s jumping on my bed.

“SAMMY WAKE THE HELL UP!” she screams. I grab her ankle and pull her down, and she lands on top of me again, laughing. “C’mon, we gotta go!” she says, standing up, and grabbing my arm and trying to pull me off the bed. 

I throw back the covers and get up off the bed, and follow her as she runs downstairs. She jumps and sits on a chair, but the chair tips over and she falls with it, and lands on her side on the floor. I start laughing as she groans. Dean walks in from the kitchen, takes one look at Rachel, and bursts out laughing. 

“Shut up.” she groans. We just keep laughing, and soon she joins in with us. She gets up and opens up her laptop on the table. “I got something.” 

“What is it?” I ask.

“People been getting shot in Alpharetta, Georgia. 4 people, all got shot in their homes. 3 dead, 1 remains. That one said it was a man that he had never seen before, but he said that before he got shot, it was suddenly freezing.” she says.

 

“Spirit?” Dean asks.

“Probably, if it got cold.” she replies.

“Anything else?” I ask.

“Guess we’ll find out once we get there.”

****

RACHEL’S POV

“Why don’t you just let Sam and I do the talking?” Dean says. I roll my eyes.

“Whatever.” I say. We walk up to the front door of the 3rd victim’s house. Sam knocks. A woman opens the door wearing all black.

“Mrs. Carter?” Sam says.

“Yes?” the woman asks.

“FBI. I’m Special Agent Daniels, these are my partners Special Agent Morgan,” he says, motioning to Dean. “and Agent Jameson.” he says, motioning to me.

“Aren’t you a little young to be an FBI agent?” Mrs. Carter asks me. Dean is about to speak but I respond.

“That’s very kind, thank you.” I say with a smile. She gives me a little nod. “We need to ask you a few questions.” I say. She nods.

“Yes, of course.” she says, letting us come in. I smirk at Dean and then walk in. We sit on the couch across from her.

“So, Mrs. Carter, what happened?” Dean asks.

“Don’t you know? You’re FBI!” she says. Dean looks a bit taken aback by this woman’s recurrent sudden angry outbursts.

“Of course, Mrs. Carter, we just like to get different sides of the story.” I say calmly. She looks at me and nods.

“James told me that he saw a man outside the house the night before. He said he had never seen him, but then when he looked away for a second, and then looked back the man was gone.” she says.

“Did your husband say anything or act in a way that seemed… strange, to you?” Sam asks. Mrs. Carter thinks a second.

“No. Not that I know of.” she replies.

****

“Hey guys, come here.” I say, and Sam and Dean sit on either side of me on the bed.

“Whaddaya got?” Sam asks.

“So remember how one vic is alive?” I say.

“Yeah.” Dean says.

“Well I emailed his wife, and she emailed me back

telling me that he saw a man appear and then mysteriously disappear before he got shot. She said he described him as pale and wearing a white t-shirt, black hoodie, and jeans.” I say.

“And?” Sam asks.

“Jason Finns was a gunman at a bank robbery that had 8 hostages in 2003. Jason died in jail a week and a half ago.” I say.

“Right before the killings.” Sam says.

“Exactly, and guess what he was wearing.” I reply.

“Lemme guess, white shirt, black hoodie and jeans?” Dean says. I nod and turn my laptop so both of them can see the article on my laptop.

“One of the hostages got shot by Jason. Apparently he was about to kill the rest when he got arrested.” I say.

“Think he’s trying to finish what he started?” Sam suggests.

“That’s exactly what I’m thinking.” I reply. My phone buzzes. I see it’s Cas so I stand and answer it.

“Hey Cas.” I say.

“I found it.” he says.

“Found what?” I ask.

“The answer.” he replies.

“Cas, I love you man, but get to the point.” I say.

“I found a way to reverse the spell.” he says. I freeze, and turn and look at Sam and Dean, who are watching me intently.

“You  _ what _ ?” I ask.

“I found a way to reverse it, maybe even eventually stop them from doing it completely.” Cas replies. 

“Uh… wow, okay. We got some leads, I’m sure we’ll be back soon.” I say.

“Be careful.” he says. I smile slightly at his concern.

“I’ll come back in as few pieces as possible. Later.” I say, and I hang up the phone.

“What happened?” Dean asks.

“Cas, he… he found a way to reverse the spell.” I reply with a smile.

“Great. Let’s get home.” he says.

“Dean, no, we have to finish the case.” I say.

“But we can’t-”  
“Dean.” I say. He stops talking. “I’ll be fine. Relax.”


	9. Promise me.

 We know who the next victim is, so we’re flying down the street in the Impala to get to the warehouse where the next victim works. It’s late at night, but he’s a nightguard. Dean and I get to the warehouse and stop. We run inside, guns raised. Sam is trying to burn the bones.  
    We hear gunshots and shouting above us so we run up the steps. We see Alex cornered, and Jason has his gun aimed.  
    “Hey!” I shout. Jason looks at me and I shoot him with the shotgun, bullets full of rock salt. He disappears. Dean and I run over to Alex.  
    “Are you hurt?” Dean asks.  
    “N-No.” Alex replies.  
    “Come on.” I say. “Let’s get you out of here.”  
    “Behind you!” he shouts, and I duck when I hear a gunshot and a bullet bounces off the rack next to me. Dean is suddenly in front of me and he shoots at Jason. Jason disappears.  
    “Get him out of here.” Dean says.  
    “Dean, no, I’m not-”  
    “Go!” he says. I sigh and rush Alex out of the room.  
    “Who was that?” he asks.  
    “Which one?” I say.  
    “That Dean guy.” he says.  
    “He’s my brother.” I reply.  
    “Are you close?” Alex asks, and we get outside.  
    “He’s one of the greatest people I know.” I reply. There’s a gunshot inside and I hear Dean shout. “And I’m gonna save his ass!” I call as I run back inside.  
  
DEAN’S POV  
    I try to wrestle the gun out of Jason’s hands. I notice Rachel by the door, aiming her shotgun.  
    “Shoot!” I shout.  
    “I can’t!” she says. Jason throws me into a wall, and steps in front of me, and I try to get the gun again.  
    “Shoot, dammit!” I shout.  
“Dean, I could hit you!” she says. A bullet gets shot from Jason’s gun and I try to grab it. Suddenly I jump back as he goes up in flames. I look at Rachel.  
“Why didn’t you-” I stop. She takes her hand off her side and it’s covered in blood. She starts to collapse but I rush forward and catch her just in time. I sit down with her head on my knee, and try to keep pressure on the wound.  
“Dammit.”  
    “Dean.” she breathes out.  
    “Yeah, I’m right here, kiddo. I’m here.” I say. Sam rushes in the room, and sees the scene before him, and runs over and sits next to me.  
    “Oh god.” he says. Rachel smiles weakly.  
    “Sammy.” she breathes. “I’m sorry.”  
    “Stop it, you’re gonna be fine.” I say. She coughs and blood drips from her mouth. I exchange a worried look with Sam.  
    “No deals.” she breathes.  
    “We aren’t gonna need to make deals, Rach, you’ll be-” Sam says, but she cuts him off.  
    “Promise… me.” she says weakly.  
    “I promise.” he says, his voice cracking slightly.  
    “I promise.” I say. She lets out a shaky breath.  
    “I love you guys.” Rachel says.  
    “We love you too, kiddo.” Sam says. She smiles slightly.  
    “The Winchesters that changed my life. That saved me.” she says. "Th-Thank you." Then her head rolls to the side, and her eyes look glassy. She stops breathing.  
****  
    Sam and I stare at the body on the floor. How could we have let this happen? How could I?  
    “Hello.” someone says behind us, and we see Cas.  
    “Cas.” Sam says.  
    “Ready?” he asks.  
    “For what?” I ask.  
    “To reverse the spell.” he replies, making my heart break more. I sigh.  
    “It’s too late, Cas.” I say. He looks horrified.  
    “What?” he asks. I step aside, and let him see Rachel. He stares at her. He walks towards her, and kneels down. After a few moments, he winks out.  
  
 **A/N: THE VERY FIRST AUTHORS NOTE! I AM NO LONGER A MYSTICAL ENTITY!**

 

**Hello ! I am Flaming_Hearts14, and I have to honor of having you guys to enjoy my stories. As I am Flaming_Hearts14, I shall call my readers My Flames! As you can see, I am a dork XD.**

 

**Anyways, yes, I do realize that this chapter is disgustingly short, and I'm pretty sure my OCD is gonna make me wanna die, but fear not! This is simply a filler for the next chapter, which is going to blow you all away. (If you understand the Hamilton reference, I love you XD) Alright, I'll see you guys next time! Bye!  
-FH14**


	10. I missed you.

1 YEAR LATER

       _“Shoot!” I shout._  
        “I can’t!” she says. Jason throws me into a wall, and steps in front of me, and I try to get the gun again.  
        “Shoot, dammit!” I shout.  
        “Dean, I could hit you!” she says. A bullet gets shot from Jason’s gun and I try to grab it. Suddenly I jump back as he goes up in flames. I look at Rachel.  
        “Why didn’t you-” I stop. She takes her hand off her side and it’s covered in blood.   
        [I sit up in bed with a start,](http://media.giphy.com/media/EZshVIW0MmnbG/giphy.gif) covered in a [cold sweat](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eCD84gyxV74/UcG2US1WuZI/AAAAAAAB-Dw/_JwRsdWuptE/s1600/hugh+dancy+2.gif). I look around in the dark, and sigh. I need a drink.

****

3RD PERSON POV

        “Scotch. Make it a double.” Dean says, taking a seat at the bar. The blonde bartender smiles flirtatiously.   
        “Sure thing.” she says. She puts the shot glass in front of him, and pours out the Scotch. She leans forward on the bar. “What’s your name?”  
        “Dean.” he replies. She smiles.  
        “Dean.” she says, tasting the word. He smirks.  
    _“Honestly, I don’t think you can go anywhere without someone flirting with you.” Rachel’s voice says in his head._  
        He shakes his head and tries to clear his thoughts. He smiles at the waitress again.  
        “I’m Chastity.” She says. He smiles flirtatiously.  
        “Wow. A pretty name for a pretty woman.” he says. She smiles.  
         _“God, you and your friggin’ bimbos.”_    
        “Shut up.” he whispers.  
        “What?” she asks, trying to know what he said.  
        “Nothing.” he says, smiling. He takes the Scotch down. When he’s about order another one, he hears her voice again.  
         _“If you come home drunk I’ll have to kick your ass.” she says._  
        “Another Scotch?” Chastity asks. He thinks a moment.  
        “Uh, no. Beer, please.” he says. She smiles and grabs him a beer. He takes off the top and brings it to his lips and-  
         _"My dad only hurt me when he was drunk."_  
        Dean groans, and slams the beer down. Chastity looks at him, confused.  
        “Something wrong?” she asks.  
        “What?” he asks, looking up at her. “Oh, uh… no. Nothing.” he replies. She nods, smiling again.  
        “So,” she says, putting her hand on his arm. “you from around here?”   
        _“Dean!”_ someone shouts behind him. He turns around but doesn’t see anyone. He looks around, but again, no one. When he turns back, there’s a paper in front of him.  
        “Did you know them?” Chastity asks.  
        “Who?” he asks.  
        “The girl that left the note.” she replies. He picks up the paper and unfolds it.  
 

_**Same place tomorrow night at 8. You’re gonna wanna be there.** _

  
        “Did you see what she looked like?” he asks. Chastity shakes her head.  
        “I didn’t get a good look at her face.” she replies. He gets up and walks out. When he’s outside, he calls Sam back at the motel room.  
        “Yeah?” Sam answers.  
        “Something’s wrong.” Dean says.

****

        “So that’s it? Just came and left you a note and got out unseen?” Sam asks. Dean nods.   
        “This is bad.” he says.  
        “Why?” Sam asks.  
        “Think about it, Sammy. This person wants to meet us on the 1 year anniversary of Rachel’s death.” Dean replies. Sam sighs.  
        “Are we going?” he asks. Dean nods.  
        “But we’re bringing weapons.”

****

        Sam walks into the convenience store, and looks around. He grabs the pie, and heads to the check out. He pulls out his fake credit card, and gives it to the man.  
        “You John Grayson?” he asks. Sam eyes him.  
        “Yeah.” he says. The man pulls out a note from his pocket.  
        “Some girl dropped this off. Said that her, and i quote, ‘instincts are telling me the pain in the ass will want pie’.” the man replies. Sam goes wide eyed. The man hands him the note and he unfolds it.

  
__**You coming tonight? 8 o’ clock.**

P.S.  
You remember he likes apple, right?  


  
        “What’d she look like?” Sam asks. The man shrugs.  
        “She was in all black and was wearing a hood. Honestly I thought she was gonna rob the place but she just said to give you this when you came in.” he replies.

****

        “No, Dean, she knows us.” he says into the phone.  
        “How so?” Dean asks.  
        “At the bottom of the note, there was a P.S.” Sam replies.  
        “What’d it say?” Dean asks.  
        “It said ‘you remember he likes apple, right?’. Who the hell knows that kind of detail?” He replies. Dean sighs.  
        “Just come on. We meet our mystery guest in an hour and a half.” Dean says.  
        “Yeah. I’m on my way.”

****

        Dean looks at his watch.“Alright, 2 to 8. Get ready.” Dean cocks his gun under the bar. He turns to Sam. “Ready?” he asks. Sam nods.

****

        “A no show!” Dean shouts angrily as they walk to the Impala. “We waited there for half an hour and she was a no show!”  
        “I’m gonna go for a walk.” Sam says. Dean shrugs and gets in the car, and drives away. Sam sighs. “A whole friggin’ year.” he says. He starts to walk down an alley, when a gunshot goes off. He hits the wall, and the person hides around the corner. He takes his gun out and shoots.  
        “Hold your fire! Hold your fire!” someone shouts quickly. That voice… he knows that voice… but how? “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was you!”  
        “So you’re just waiting to shoot up random people!?” Sam shouts.  
        “No, no! Not at all, I was waiting for someone specific.” they call back.  
        “Comforting.” Sam says sarcastically.  
        “I’m waiting for demons, Sam!” the person shouts back.  
        “How do you know my name?” He says.  
        “How could I not?” they call. “The great Sam Winchester. You lost a sister last year, right? One year today, actually.”  
        “Shut up!” Sam growls.  
        “Tisk tisk, that’s not the greeting I was expecting.” they call.  
        “Who are you!?” he shouts, angrily.  
        “C’mon, Sam! It hasn’t been that long.” The person says. As Sam is about to respond, he is side tackled. He shouts. Someone pinches him in the neck with something, and he gasps in pain.  
        “Sam!” someone shouts. He hears footsteps and sees someone stab another person.   
        They glow orange. Demons? He sees it’s a girl, and everything starts spinning. He hears grunting, and someone getting punched, before there’s nothing but echoes. Suddenly someone is next to him.  
        “Sam?” the girl says. “C’mon, Sammy, talk to me!” she says.   
         _Sammy? No one else calls me Sammy._  
        He tries to get his eyes into focus a little, and he looks up and sees Rachel.  
        “Rachel?” he asks. She sighs.  
        “Sammy, just remember that I really don’t wanna do this.” she says. She punches him in the face, and it goes dark.

****

        Sam opens his eyes in a dim room. He looks around, taking in his surroundings. Motel room? Yeah. He groans.  
        “Morning, Sleeping Beauty.” someone says, walking in the room. He looks at Rachel.   
        “I’m dreaming.” he says.  
        “You dream ‘bout this often, Sammy?” she asks, leaning back on the bedside table. “Of all things, you dream of this? Lying on a bed in a cheap motel room with a headache? Pretty shitty dream, Sam.” He lets out a breath.  
        “I’m hallucinating.” he says.  
        “Yeah, keep telling yourself that.” she says.  
        “What’s going on?” he asks.  
        “Demons.” she says. “They made some sort of liquified tracker. It materializes as soon as it enters the bloodstream.”   
        “Why’d you punch me?” he asks. Rachel chuckles.  
        “Left arm.” she says. He looks down and sees his arm is bandaged.   
        “What happened?” he asks.  
        “I had to cut out the tracker.” she says. He goes wide eyed. “There was no other way.”  
        “Why am I dizzy?” Sam asks.  
        “I had to make sure you didn’t wake up while I was doing it, so I used one of my mom’s old methods. It’s a lot like anesthesia.” she replies. Suddenly Sam’s head starts spinning again, and he covers his eyes. “Sam?” Rachel asks. He groans. “Okay, maybe I did use a little too much.” she replies. “Don’t panic, you’ll be up in a couple hours.” she says, and then Sam blacks out again. Rachel stands up straight, and sighs.  
        “Okay, Sammy. You rest, I gotta go find Dean.” she says.

RACHEL’S POV

        I grab Sam’s wallet, and look through it, and find a motel room key card.   
        “Night Hawk.” I say, and then I smile when I see the address. “And it’s 6 blocks away. I can do that.”

****

        I knock on the door. I hear the floor creak on the other side.  
        “Dean?” I call. The door opens, and I see Dean pointing a gun at me so I put up my hands. “Hey, calm down. Killing me? That’s so last year.” I say smiling. He suddenly pulls me inside and slams the door.   
        “That’s low.” he growls.  
        “What?” I ask.  
        “I mean, it makes sense though. It’s the anniversary, I should’ve seen it coming.” he says, before he shoves me into the wall with his forearm pushing down under my neck, the demon killing knife against my throat.  
        “Hey hey hey, Dean!” I say quickly. “Calm down, Dean, just let me explain.”   
        “I will frigging-”  
        “Christo.” I say. He stops talking. “See? Not a demon.” I say. Then I remember the silver test. “Gimme the knife, the silver knife.”   
        He reaches into his pocket, his eyes never leaving mine. He grabs a knife, and flips it, holding the handle towards me.   
        I reach over the arm that’s holding me against the wall, and hold up my other arm. I look at my arm.  
        “I stopped doing this a long time ago.” I say. I groan. “Oh, this is gonna suck.” I press the blade against my skin, and slide it across my arm. I see my blood, and feel tears in my eyes. I drop it abruptly on the ground and Dean backs away. I let out a shaky breath. “God I hate doing that.” I say.  
Suddenly Dean pulls me into a hug. I let a few tears fall.   
        “Oh I missed this.”   
        “Me too.” he admits. I smile. He pulls away. “How is this possible? How did this happen?” he asks. I shrug.   
        “I’m not sure. One minute I’m in the warehouse and I’m dying, then next thing I know I’m lying facedown on a cul-de-sac somewhere. That was about 2 weeks ago. So I tried to find you guys. I checked the GPS, it said you guys were at the bunker. It took me a couple days to get there, but I went. But you guys weren’t there. I saw the newspaper articles, so I hitchhiked and came here.” I say.  
        “I gotta call Sam.” he says.  
        “Sam’s unconscious in a different motel about 6 or 7 blocks from here.” I say.   
        “What?” Dean asks.  
        “Once I got here, I got followed by some demons. They’re holed up in some run-down diner on 12th street. I overheard a few of their plans. They’ve been trying to track hunters, but they’re finding it difficult. So they made these liquidated trackers.” I say.  
        “Trackers?” he asks.  
        “Yeah. They inject people with them, and they materialize as soon as they hit the bloodstream. They’re virtually undetectable. Unless, you’re looking correctly.” I say. I pull out the thing I stole from them from my pocket. It looks kind of like a flashlight. I hold it up.  
        “A flashlight?” he asks.   
        “Seems like it, huh?” I say. “Let me see your arm.”   
        “Why?”  
        “Just give me your arm.” I say. He holds out his arm, and I roll up his sleeve. I point it down at his forearm, and press the button. A green light comes out of it, and then it beeps.  
        “No tracker detected.” says a mechanical voice.  
        “What the hell?” he asks.  
        “I could point it at you from a distance so it could scan every part of you, and it would tell me where the tracker is.” I say. “It only works when it can detect a bloodstream.”  
        “So, how does this involve Sam?” he asks.  
        “You know the bar? I was gonna go in, but I saw that there were demons everywhere and-”  
        “Wait that was you?” he asks. “The notes, they were you?” I nod.   
        “Like I said, I was gonna go in, and tell you I was back but the demons were everywhere. I’ve got a bounty on my head for leaving Hell, and if I walked in everyone in that bar would have died.” I say.  “But I was outside waiting for them to come out. I knew as soon as you guys left the bar they’d attack, so I waited. I almost killed Sam when I was waiting for some of them, but they injected him with a tracker. I took them down and punched Sam out. Some doctor helped me get him to a motel, and I gave him this stuff my mom taught me about, it’s just like anesthesia. I cut out the tracker and had to stitch his arm back up, and he woke up for a minute or two. But apparently I gave him a little too much stuff, because he passed out again. But he should be up in a couple hours.” I explain. Dean lets it soak in, then nods. “And I need a favor.” I say.  
        “Anything.” he replies.  
        “I have not slept in 4 days. Mind if I crash for a while?” I say. He chuckles.  
        “Sleep as long as you want, kiddo.” he says. I smile, and hug him again.  
        “Damn I missed you.” I say. 

DEAN’S POV

        I hug her tighter, and feel a tear fall. I wipe it away, and she pulls away. She wipes her eyes, and then walks over to the bed. She sits down and unties her shoe laces. She takes them off, pushes back the covers, and then lies down on the bed. She puts the covers over her, turns on her side, and closes her eyes. I suddenly get an idea.

        “I’m gonna go out. Rest up.” I say. She nods. I grab the keys and walk out the door.

****

RACHEL’S POV

        I wake up about 2 or 3 hours later. I grab my journal from my hoodie pocket.  
        _ **Entry #36 September 27th  
    12:17 am. I just woke up. Again. I really wanna sleep more but Sam should be awake now. I need to go find him before he panics and thinks he’s gonna die. Better go now.  
    -RW**_  
        I yawn, but get up from the bed, and put my shoes on. I walk towards the door, and see a note.  
        __ **Didn’t think u would remember what I said. I went out to get some stuff. If I’m not back by 1:30 I got lucky.**  
    -Dean  
        I roll my eyes.

****

        I open the door and walk in.  
        “Sam?” I call, shutting the door. Suddenly he slams me against the door.  
        “Who the hell are you!?” he thunders.  
        “Sammy it’s me!” I say.  
        “Don’t call me Sammy!” he shouts.  
        “Sam c’mon! It’s me, it’s me! I swear!” I say, starting to panic and think of my dad.  
        “Bull!” he booms, and, out of panic, I lift up my leg and knee him in the crotch, not even realizing I’m doing it. He falls to the ground.  
        “Oh shit, Sam!” I say, kneeling beside him. “Oh, Sammy, I’m sorry! I panicked!”  
        “Why?” he asks, sounding pained.  
        “Why?” I ask. “You shoved me against a door and screamed in my face! What do you think that made me think of!? Or should I say who.” I say. “Oh, and Christo.” He sits up on the floor and looks at me.   
        “Rachel?” he asks. I smile slightly and nod. He pulls me into a hug and I gladly accept. Tearing, I wrap my arms around his neck, his around my torso.  
        “Oh, Sam.” I breathe out. “Oh my god, I missed you.” I say.  
        “I missed you too.” he says.


	11. You're the asshats that didn't talk to him!

SAM’S POV

    I walk out of the bathroom and see Rachel sitting on the bed, writing in some kind of journal.  
    “What’re you doing?” I ask.   
    “Writing.” she replies.  
    “About what?” I ask.  
    “How much I hate the fact that Arkansas and Kansas are spelled the same way but don’t sound the same.” she replies. I stay silent a moment.  
    “What?” I ask. She chuckles, not looking up. She closes the journal and looks at me.  
    “You spoken to Dean?” she asks.  
    “Not since the bar.” I reply. She sighs.  
    “Gimme your phone.” she says.  
    “Why?” I ask.   
    “Because I don’t have one.” she replies.  
    “Since when?” I ask. She rolls her eyes.  
    “Since I died, Sammy!” she says. I hand her my phone. She scrolls through my contacts, and then dials Dean.

RACHEL’S POV

    “Hey, how ya feelin’, Sammy?” Dean answers.  
    “I’m pretty sure he feels like shit.” I reply.  
    “Probably, if he got punched out by his sister.” Dean says. I chuckle.  
    “Where are you?” I ask.  
    “I’m on my way back to the Night Hawk.” he replies.  
    “How long?” I ask.  
    “About 10 minutes.” he replies. “I got something for you.”  
    “Okay, I’ll meet you there.” I say, and I hang up. I give Sam his phone. “C’mon.”

****

    “Alright, where’d you go?” I ask. He holds up a plastic bag, and tosses it to me. I grab it and untie the handles. I pull the bag open, and gasp. “Aw, yeah!” I say, and I pull out the [leather jacket](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=148241305). “Oh, I love it!” I saw, jumping up and hugging Dean.

****

    I walk into the diner with Sam and Dean. We sit at a booth.  
    “So, I’ve been trying to ignore this question, but what brought you back?” Dean asks. I shrug.  
    “Hell if I know.” I reply.  
    “Angel?” Sam asks.  
    “Uh it could-” I realize something. “...uh oh.”  
    “What?” Sam asks.  
    “Cas doesn’t know I’m alive.” I reply. They sigh. “He’s gonna kill me for waiting so long. I’ll be right back.” I say, getting up. “Is he still tuned into angel-radio?” I ask.  
    “Uh, I’m not sure. We haven’t really spoken to him much.” Dean replies.  
    “What?” I ask.  
    “After you died he kept disappearing for weeks at a time.” Sam says.  
    “And nobody reached out to him?” I ask, starting to get annoyed. I grab Dean’s phone off the table, and walk out of the diner. I scroll through his contacts, and click on Cas, and call him.   
    “You have reached the voicemail of-”  
    Cas’s voice starts.  
    “I don’t understand. Why… Why do you want me to say my name?” There’s a bunch of beeps like he’s pressing buttons, and then it beeps like I can leave a message.  
    “Really? C’mon Cas, I just got back from Hell and all I get is your voicemail? Jeez, I’ve really been downgraded.” I say, chuckling. “Cas it’s Rachel. I don’t know how but I’m back. I’m in Kettering, Ohio with the guys. Call us. Please. I’m worried about you.” I say, and I hang up. I walk back in the diner and suddenly I’m shoved against the wall and there’s a knife at my throat.  
    “You touch her you’ll be dead before you hit the ground, got it!?” Dean booms. I see Dominic in front of me.

  
SAM’S POV

    “Rachel.” the demon says, stroking her hair. She closes her eyes and tries to pull away, looking like she’s about to panic.  
    “I told you never to fucking touch me ever again.” she says. She knows this dick?  
    “But I want more.” he says.  
    “You got fucking enough, and you know it, you dick.” she snarls, looking at him. He smirks.  
    “You wanna tell your brothers here how you know me?” he asks. She suddenly tightens her jaw. “Too ashamed?” he taunts. “Alright, I’ll tell them.”  
    “Tell us what?” I ask.   
    “Who I am.” he replies.  
    “Yeah, who the hell are you?” Dean snaps. The demon smirks.  
    “I’m the guy that took your sister’s virginity.” he says. Suddenly I am filled with rage. I go to step forward, but his voice stops me. “One more step and I slit her throat.”   
    “Go ahead.” she says. “Apparently I have a way of cheating death.” The demon smirks. “But, sadly, you don’t.” she says, and suddenly he glows orange. He falls down dead. Rachel drops her knife, falls to her knees, taking shaky, deep, panicked breaths. I rush over to her, and pull her into a hug, while she starts sobbing into my chest. I look at Dean, who just looks at her sadly.

****

RACHEL'S POV

"He hasn't called back!" I shout in frustration. "That shithead STILL hasn't called me back!"   
  
"Relax, Rach." Dean says.   
  
"I'm not gonna relax, Dean!" I say. "Something could be wrong!"  
  
"C'mon Rach, I'm sure he's fine." Sam says.   
  
"You don't know that!" I snap.  
  
"Hey, what are you getting pissy with us for?" Dean says.   
  
"Because you're the asshats that didn't talk to him!" I snap. They sigh. "If I find out something happened to Cas, my Cas, and it's all because you guys were too stupid to say something-"  
  
"Rachel?" Someone says behind me. I turn around and see Cas, staring at me in shock.   
  
"Cas!" I say. I run over and hug him. "Jeez, pick up your phone next time, you douche!" I pull away and look at him. "You scared the hell out of me." He just stares. "Oh yeah. I'm alive."   
  
He pulls me into a hug again.   
  
"I've missed you, Rachel." He says.   
  
"I missed you too, Cas." I say. 

****

    Dean’s inside the Police Department investigating a murder where sulfur was present.   
    I wonder if he still has my phone. Maybe the glove compartment? I pull it open, and burst out laughing.  
    There must be at least 20 condoms. Holy shit! I close it, pull out my journal and write an entry.  
     __ **Entry #39 September 27th**  
    Oh. Dear. God.   
    It’s about 12:30 pm right now, and Dean’s inside investigating a murder where one officer said he smelled rotten eggs. Sulfur.  
    Well, checking to see if he has my phone, I pulled open the glove compartment. Big Mistake.  
    I have never seen so many condoms. Oh my god, he’s gonna get so much hell. This is gonna be almost as much fun as when I terrorized him when he was the gym teacher. Aaah, memories.  
    -RW  
  
    The driver’s side door opens and I shut my journal and stuff it in my inner jacket pocket.  
    “These cops are dicks.” Dean says. I try to hold back my laughter but some of it gets through. “What?” he asks.  
    “You slut.” I say laughing.  
    “What?” he asks, confused. I pull open the glove compartment, and he tightens his jaw. “I… uh…”  
    “Oh my god, you’re a man whore.” I say, laughing. He looks extremely uncomfortable.

  
1 MONTH LATER  
DEAN'S POV

"Hey, Dean?"   
  
"Yeah?" I ask, looking across the table at her.   
  
"Can I talk to you about something? A favor?" She says.   
  
"Of course." I reply.   
  
"Will you teach me how to drive?" She asks.   
  
"What? You're 14." I say. "Ya got 2 more years."   
  
"Actually, I only have 2 months." She replies.   
  
"What?"  
  
"When I met you and Sam, it was February 19th. I had just turned 14, on February 12th. So when we met in February, I was just 14. I was with you guys for 9 months, and I died on November 27th. When February 12th rolled around 3 months later, I would have been 15. I was alive again 9 months later on November 3rd. I searched for you guys for 2 weeks. I found you guys on the 27th, 1 year after my  death, 1 month ago. So, basically I'm-"  
  
"15." I finish.   
  
"And since it's December 10th, and I was born on February 12th, I'm gonna be 16 in 2 months." She says.  "So, to rephrase my previous question: when I turn 16 in 2 months, will you teach me how to drive?"  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, I'll teach you how to drive." I say. She nods.   
  
"Thanks, Dean." She says. 


	12. Falling Apart

4 DAYS LATER  
RACHEL’S POV

There's some kind of creature in a small town in Texas. It hides out in the homes of the residents, and then, once night hits, it comes out skins only men in their beds. Weird, I know. It burrowed a tunnel-like thing in the basement of a house.   
  
"So, you're sure you're okay with this?" Dean asks, and I nod.  
  
"I have to go in. It's only skinning men and you guys would be the perfect target." I reply. Sam sighs.  
  
"That's a pretty tight space, kiddo." he says.  
  
"Are you calling me fat?" I ask jokingly. He only smiles slightly. "I'll be fine. If it starts to be too much, I'll just come back out, alright?"   
  
They sigh, but ultimately nod. I shimmy into the little tunnel, shuffling sideways. I have my gun ready and I hear a growling and scraping further in. I continue to shuffle through.  
  
I'm pretty deep in now, and when I look back the way I came, I can't see the opening. It's just a straightaway, so I'm not gonna get lost because of any crazy turns. Unfortunately, I seriously misjudged just how tight this is.   
  
The scraping starts to get louder, and I see the creature crouching on the ground. I cock my gun and fire.  
  
It's jammed.   
  
You're fucking with me.  
  
The thing sees me. I freeze. It simply scurries off in the other direction. I try to follow, but can't.   
  
 _Am I stuck?_  
  
I try to squeeze back the way I came, but I can't go that way either.   
  
 _Oh my fucking god, I'm stuck._  
  
The panic starts to rise.   
  
"You're fine." I say to myself, still attempting to wedge my way out. "You're fine, you're fine, you're fine."   
  
I don't budge.  
  
"DEAN!" I scream. "SAM!" Nothing.   
  
 _Of course they can't fucking hear me._    
  
"You're fine."   
  
My vision starts to blur with tears, and I groan.   
  
"You're fine." I say. "Stop panicking. You're fine. Stop it."  
  
My heart starts pounding.   
  
 _What is that sound? Is it the thing?_  
  
I try to wrench myself free, and it just tears the back of my shirt, and I feel a rock edge cut my right shoulder. I’m drenched in sweat, and it stings when it drips into the fresh cut.  
  
"FUCK!" I scream in pain.  
  
 _What is that sound? What is that whimpering sound?  
  
Holy shit, it's me._  
  
Why am I whimpering?  
  
 _God, I'm pathetic._  
  
I can feel my adrenaline rising.   
  
 _I'm gonna be stuck here forever.  
  
This is how I'll die.  
  
This is Hell, Winchester._  
  
"NO!" I scream.  
  
Now?! Not now!! I can't think about that now!  
  
 _Too late._  
  
My panic rises to dangerously high levels, and I scream.  
  
 _This is how I'm gonna die._  
  
"HELP!" I scream.   
  
 _No one can save you now, Winchester._  
  
"STOP!"   
  
 _You're on your own down here._  
  
"SAM DEAN PLEASE!"  
  
 _You're screwed, Rachel. You're never getting out of here.  
  
You're screwed.  
  
You're screwed.  
  
You're screwed.  
  
You're fine._  
  
Where did that come from? As much as I hate to admit it, I can't just flip a switch when I have a panic attack and suddenly be able to calm myself down.  
  
Only then do I realize it's not my voice. Not even my thoughts.  
  
I feel a cool hand on my cheek.  
  
"You're fine, Rachel. I am going to get you out of   
here."  
  
 _Cas?_  
  
"Oh god, Cas." I say, my voice breaking as I cry hard.  
  
Suddenly, the air is open. I'm not wedged in the tunnel. I'm back in the basement.   
  
My legs buckle beneath me and I fall, but someone catches me.

 

  
SAM'S POV

Cas comes back, with Rachel. She's drenched in sweat and crying, her shirt is torn in the back, and her shoulder is bleeding. 

She starts to fall, but I catch her before she hits the ground. 

"Hey hey hey." I say. We heard her screaming. I should have known she would have a panic attack in there; anyone would. "Shh, it's alright. I got ya." She clings to me for dear life, and lets out a sob. “You’re okay.”

****

I meet Dean outside by Baby once Rachel is asleep. We’re at our motel.

“She asleep?” Dean asks, and I nod. “She must’ve been terrified.” he says. 

“Getting stuck in some narrow tunnel in a wall? Yeah, I could imagine.” I say. “ _I_ would’ve had a panic attack, Dean.” 

“Really?”

We turn around and see Rachel standing there.

“I thought you were sleeping.” I say.

“I was trying to.” she says. “But… I dunno. Sometimes it takes a long time to feel totally calm after a panic attack.”

“You still having some anxiety?” Dean asks, and she nods. “C’mon, let’s go in the room; we’ll help you calm down.” We walk inside the motel room, and she gets under the covers of the bed. Dean and I sit on either side of her.

“What did you say just outside?” I ask.

“You said you would’ve had a panic attack; I asked if that was true.” she replies, leaning into Dean’s side as he wraps an arm around her shoulders. Cas heeled her cut before we left the basement.

“In that situation? Yeah, I probably would’ve.”

“So, if you were to have known you would go in that tunnel, would you be afraid of having one?”

I eye her.

“Probably.”

“What about sitting in a diner?” she says.

“What?” I ask.

“What if you weren’t in that situation?” She says. “What if you were just sitting in a diner? Or a bar? What if you were at home? Sitting in your bedroom. Watching TV. Eating dinner. Taking a shower. Getting some food from the kitchen. Reading a book. Sitting on your laptop. What if you were just doing… _anything_?” 

I just stare at her. How do I respond? She looks down.

“You have no idea what it’s like to carry that fear with you everywhere you go; doing anything you do. You have no idea what it’s like to walk around with that constant worry. The worry of ‘what do I need to avoid? what do i need to be conscious of? what’s gonna set me off? what do I have to hide from?’. You have no idea what that’s like; to be scared of everything. The terror I feel every day is just crazy.” 

“Rachel-”

“Have either of you ever had a panic attack?” she asks. 

“Yeah.” I reply, and they both look at me.

“When?” they ask at the same time.

“At Stanford.”

“You went to Stanford?” Rachel asks, sounding shocked.

“Yeah.” I reply. “You never knew that?” She shakes her head.

“You never mentioned it.” she says, and I just shrug.

“Anyways, I was studying for this huge exam and I got myself really worked up and I had a panic attack.” I tell them. “I also hadn’t slept in 2 days, so that didn’t help.”

“What was it like?” she asks me.

“Terrifying.” I reply. “I felt like I was falling apart.”

“I feel like that every single time I have a panic attack.” she says, and my heart breaks for her. “And that’s a couple times a day.” 

“Okay, but try thinking about it like this;” Dean starts. “yes, you do have panic attacks. But you also have us, Rach. We’re gonna be here every time you need us. It’s gotta lessen the fear at least a little.”

“Yeah, we’re always gonna be here for you, kiddo.” I say.  
She nods, smiling slightly.

“Thanks, guys.” she says.


	13. The Thought of Losing You

THE NEXT DAY  
“You really took a beating in there, Dean.”

“I’m fine, Sam.”

“You sure?”

“Let’s just get back to Rachel.” 

We finally ganked that thing, and Sam and I are covered in cuts and bruises, and I’m pretty sure I dislocated my right shoulder.  
****  
RACHEL’S POV  
Sam and Dean come stumbling into the motel room, and my eyes grow wide.

“What the hell happened to you two?!” I ask in shock.

“We killed it.” Dean replies, and I sigh.

“Sit down, guys.” I say. They both sit down on one of the beds and both groan. Since I can’t sleep very well by myself anymore, Sam and Dean rotate each night, and one of them sleeps with me. 

I walk into the bathroom and grab the hydrogen peroxide, gauze, medical tape, washcloths and some other stuff too, then walk over to Sam.

“This is gonna sting.” I say, putting the peroxide on a washcloth. I roll up his shirt and put the cloth against one of his cuts, and he hisses in pain. “Sorry, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” he says through gritted teeth. “Don’t apologize.” I notice one particularly deep cut on his waist and I sigh. 

“That’s gonna need stitches, Sam.” I say.

“There’s a sewing needle and some dental floss in my duffel.” he says.

“And I got whiskey in mine.” Dean says, groaning in his own pain. I walk over to Sam’s duffel, and rifle through. When I grab a needle and the floss, I grab the Jack Daniel’s from Dean’s duffel bag. 

“Sam, start working on disinfecting that cut before I stitch it up.” I instruct, walking into the bathroom. I hear him hiss in pain again, so I assume he obliged. I put the stopper in the sink and fill it with hot, soapy water. I take my knife out from my pocket and stick it in the water, along with the needle. I walk out, and approach Dean, kneeling in front of him. I grab another washcloth and dip that in the peroxide. I take his hand and wash the cut on the back of it. 

“How do you know what to do for us?” he asks.

“My mom was a nurse, remember?” I reply. “She taught me everything she knew.” 

“Smart.” he says, and I nod.

“She was. She was the smartest person I knew. Best person, too.” 

“Sounds like it.” Sam says, and I avoid any eyes as I clean the gash on Dean’s chest.  
“How old were you, again?” he asks me.

“I was 10.” I reply, sighing. “I miss her.” They stay silent. I clear my throat, and then get up. I walk into the bathroom and grab the stuff from the sink. “Ready, Sam?” I walk back and sit down next to him. “Lie down.” He lies down, allowing me better access to the wound.   
****  
When I finish stitching Sam up, I look at Dean.

“What’s up with your shoulder?” I ask, just noticing him holding it.

“I think I dislocated it.” he replies. 

“Do you need me to pop it back in?” I ask him, and he nods. I wipe Sam’s blood on a washcloth and stand. I put one hand at the base of Dean’s neck, and the other on the back of his shoulder. “Ready?”

“Yeah.”

“On 3, okay?”

“Okay.”

“1…”

I pop his shoulder back in and he stifles a shout. 

“UGH!” he groans. “What happened to 2 and 3?!” 

“It would’ve hurt more when I got to 3.” I say. “You would’ve been anticipating it and building it up in your mind; it’s a whole stimulus thing that I’ll explain some other time.” He groans. “Are you okay?”

“You mean besides the cuts, bruises, and throbbing shoulder? Yeah, I’m peachy.” he says, sarcastically. I know he’s joking, which is a good sign, but I can’t help but look down as I feel my anxiety rise a little.

Sam and Dean are my reason to live. Without them, I would have nothing. They’re my family, my brothers, and everything I need. There’s only 3 people in the world that I’ve ever trusted enough to open up to; my mom, Sam, and Dean. That’s it. I’ve never gone as deep into detail with Cas as I have with them, but if it came up, I’d be comfortable enough to do so. But Sam and Dean are the only ones alive who know basically everything about me.

So it’s no surprise I’m in a bit of a fragile mindset to see them in this state. And I think Sam realizes this.

“Dean.” he warns. I feel Dean’s eyes fall on me, and a hand falls on my shoulder.

“Hey.” he says, and I involuntarily let out a shaky breath. His hand moves to my jawline, and a warm thumb caresses my cheek. “Look at me.” I shake my head, not wanting him to see the ridiculous tears pooling in my eyes. While I stopped being ashamed of my brothers seeing me cry long ago, there’s a sort of embarrassment that comes into play when I start to cry for no reason. 

But Dean’s having none of it. 

He leans down and tries to catch my eyes, until I have no choice but to look at him. His green orbs bore into my blue ones, he smiles slightly.

“There you are.” he says tenderly, and I smile sheepishly, flicking my eyes to his left. “C’mon, don’t make me have to find them again.” Against what my mind tells me, I look back into his eyes. “Don’t worry about me, kiddo.”

“I can’t help it.” I say. “I know you guys are like some weird superhumans, but I’m still your little sister, and I’m still gonna get worried.”

Normally, I hate playing the whole “little sister” card. It sounds weird, but typically, I hate admitting that I’m a kid. In my life, I’ve gone through so much that it’s gotten to the point where I don’t feel like one. My birthday is in a little under 2 months, and I’m only gonna be 16. But, mentally, I feel much older than that; I have for a long time. 

But with Sam and Dean, I don’t mind as much. They don’t see me as some little kid, they see me as me. It’s not annoying to play the card, because my relationship with them has so much mutual respect between the three of us, that it doesn’t feel even slightly degrading. 

Sam and Dean chuckle. 

“I know, kiddo, but you don’t need to be.” Sam says, and I look at him. “We’re not goin’ anywhere.”

I let out a sigh.

“Rachel.” Dean says, and he puts a little pressure on the hand that’s on my cheek, forcing me to look him in the eyes again. “I’m fine.” he assures me. 

“I’m fine too, Rach.” Sam says, and I look at him again. “I mean, how could I not be? Look at this stitch job; I couldn’t’a done it better myself.” 

I chuckle, and look down at the floor.

“Can… Can I…” I start, wondering whether or not I should admit something I’ve never said before.

“Can you what, hun?” Dean asks, and I don’t point out the new nickname, knowing he’ll get all awkward. I sigh.

“I have a confession to make.” I tell them.

“What is it, Rach?” Sam prompts me.

“Well… I’m not lying when I say that sometimes, my attacks happen for no reason.” I say, laying down the groundwork.

“That thought never even crossed our minds.” he tells me.   
“I know, it’s just… those attacks don’t happen as often as I let on.” 

“What do you mean?” Dean asks.

“A lot of my panic attacks have a specific reason behind them.”

“What’s the reason, Rachel?” Sam asks, sounding slightly concerned.

“I have panic attacks at thought of losing you.” I admit.

“What?” they ask in unison, and I sigh.

“Sometimes I get way too deep in my own head, and it’s not always easy to pull myself out of certain thought processes. I get stuck in all these concerns and worries and anxieties that I have, and I just end up freaking myself out, and-”

“Slow down, hun.” Dean tells me, and I realize I was rambling. I take a deep breath, and attempt to calmly continue. 

“And the thought of you guys going on a hunt and something going wrong, and losing you… It’s enough to send me on some crazy anxious downward spiral.” I finish. 

SAM’S POV  
Rachel’s avoiding making any eye contact with Dean and I, and now we can see why. From the way she said it, I can tell that she’s been wanting to say it for a long time. Maybe because she wants to seek reassurance, which makes sense. But Rachel gets so embarrassed and flustered when the topic of her anxiety comes up when it isn’t absolutely necessary, she probably felt too weird to bring it up. 

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” I ask. She should know by now that there’s nothing weird about her anxiety, or talking about her anxiety, so it bothers me that she still thinks she can’t. 

“I dunno.” she mutters.

“Rachel, how is it that you still have yet to realize that you can talk to us about absolutely anything?” Dean asks her, and she shrugs.

“I’m just used to not having anyone to talk to, ya know?” she says, and we both get a look of understanding. At one point or another, we were both alone.

“Well, get used to it.” I say, and she smiles slightly.  
****  
9 HOURS LATER  
RACHEL’S POV  
Sam, Dean and I pull up to The Bunker, and Dean kills the engine. Sam is half-dead in the front, and I’m sprawled across the backseat, slipping in and out of consciousness.

“So,” Dean says. “who’s energized?”

Sam and I groan.

“Try again.” I mutter, and he chuckles.

“Alright, who’s so exhausted that they could sleep for 20 years?” he asks, and Sam and I raise our hands at the same time. “C’mon, let’s get some shut eye.” 

Sam stumbles out of the car, and Dean opens the door near my head.

“C’mon, hun.” he says. Feeling way too lazy to even move, I put my arms up.

“Carry me.” I whine, and he chuckles. 

“Alright, hang on.” he says, and he lifts me up and carries me towards the Bunker. “I haven’t done something like this in years.” 

“What, carry your sleeping sibling?” 

“Well, eventually, as you can probably guess, Sammy got a little too big to carry.” he replies, and I chuckle groggily. 

“Guess so.” I say, and I yawn. Sam holds the door open for us, and Dean carries me inside. “Don’t drop me down these stairs.”

“Oops!” he says, making a dropping motion, and I squeal and grab his jacket, which makes him laugh, considering he obviously still has a firm hold on me.

“Not cool, Dean.” I say, attempting to sound angry, but I’m too tired to sound very convincing.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I suck.”  
“No, you don’t suck.” I say.

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re just a dick.”

He chuckles.

“You’re not the first person to notice that, hun.” 

I smile lazily.

“C’mon, you know I love you.” I say, turning serious. When I open my eyes to look at him, he’s smiling.

“I know.” he says with a grin, and I close my eyes again.

“How’s your shoulder feeling?” I ask randomly.

“Fine.”

“Doesn’t hurt?”

“Nope.”

“Are you sure?”

He chuckles. 

“I told you, I’m fine, hun.”

I nod as he walks into my room, and carries me to the bed, but I’m out before I even hit the sheets.


End file.
